Flip it and Reverse it

I really try to post something every day.  Not even just something, but something interesting.  I really hate when I hit a blog that I love and I find “Hey, I couldn’t think of anything to say today, so here’s a picture of a bunny with a waffle on it’s head.  Actually…  I do enjoy that…  But I didn’t post anything yesterday and, even though I’m busy I wanted to post something even if at the last moment

Tonight I want to share with you, my love for ambigrams.  I bought a book called Wordplay from an artist named John Langdon.  I really liked the idea and bought it just to look through, at first.  One day I took my sketchbook on a mini-hike through a big park and stopped on the trail to doodle something.  The bag I was carrying said “fancy” on the side, and as I stared blankly at that word, it occurred to me that you could flip it pretty easy.  I drew up a rough draft, then scanned and traced it and reworked it in Illustrator.

fancy

Later, with one of these under my belt I decided to try a name.  That’s that people like, right?  Something fancy done with their very own special one-of-a-kind snowflake name?  So I set out to make one for my friend Lauren.  I started with a base of the Shoebop font from Veer.  After a lot of alterations and perfections, I came up with this.

Lauren

I really liked how this one came out and decided I needed one too.  Something darker.  Something tattoo-worthy even though I’d never get my own name tattooed on my body.  I forget what blackletter type I used as a base, but I wanted to add something special.  I made it all emo and deep by making one side day and the other night.  Yeah…  I’m that much of a loser.  Shut up give me back my lunch money, ya bully.

my name...

It might be hard to read.  It’s easier if you know what it should say…  I don’t know… This one’s not a total win, but I was happy with it.

Not all words/phrases/names are suited for flipping/reversing/mirroring.  Sometimes you just get close.  Eh…  Excuses.  I’m sorry.  There, are you happy.  Shit.

This has been a while.  I probably did all three of these a couple years ago.  I drew more then.  I wish I did more now… *tear*  So recently, I decided to make a new one for a friend.  His name is Roger.

Roger

This one has some more depth, which allows me to show you the same image flipped.  So there’s the dealio.

I think what I’ve shared here is that I’m a complete geek.  Thank God most of you guys don’t know where I live and can’t come here to give me wedgies and push me down.

I’m dying to know, do you draw or design?

I am an Inventor!!!

When I was a kid watching people like the great Ron Popeil on TV, hocking his vast and wonderful inventions, that seemed like the way to do it.  Sure, you could go out and get a job, work hard every day and live beneath your means so you could save up some money.  If you worked real hard and saved every penny, you might be able to send your future children to college.  The concept that you could just invent something, just have a great idea, and be set for life, was much cooler.

I’ve kept that mindset with me all my life.  Since I don’t have the next big thing, I’ve not made my move.  You could say I’m lurking, waiting in the wings for that winning idea which will catapult me into national success.  Well, I have a few ideas that I’d like to shoot past you fine people:

Pre-Flavored Fish – Did you know that you can buy lemon-seasoned fish at the store?  For real.  Well, if people like flavored fish I’d like to expand on that market.  What if you could have cherry fish?  Would grape fish suit you better?  Maybe tropical punch fish would satisfy your tropical desires?

I propose that we raise these fish in (get ready) Kool-Aid!  Just think, you mix the Kool-Aid in the water and let the fish do their thing.  “Harvest” however that’s normally done and bingo; flavored fish.

Pre-Aged Wine – Everyone who drinks form their glass with a pinky up knows that old wine is better.  It’s a long process though…  You have to crush the grapes, then ferment the wine, then wait.  Wait, wait wait…  Don’t we do enough waiting?

I propose that instead, we make this wine from grapes.  they’re pre-aged already!  Sure, there’s less juice, but it’s probably the best juice.  Yum.

Rumor Mill – How often have we tried so hard to make a positive impression, only to go unnoticed?  Oh sure, when negative news comes out it’s  a front-page headline.  But how do you get that positive press you need to get that new job?  How do you get the points to impress that hottie you’ve been watching surreptitiously? Maybe you just want your in-laws to like you for something.

I propose a little invention called the Rumor Mill.  This is a small portable device that transmits text messages to people all around you, from other people in their address books.  One moment, you’re a nobody.  The next, 10 people around you have heard from someone that you’re a stud in the sack, or that you used to be in the Secret Service.  What’s that?  Did I just hear lady pants drop?  Maybe.  Just maybe.

I know what you’re thinking.  KeepingYouAwake…  You’re stupid.

You can’t prove that.  Finally, I bring you…

Self-Lighting Cigarettes – Are you a smoker?  No?  Ok, well that’s for the best, but you can’t deny that cigarettes have been making people look “cool” for a really long time.  What’s do you always hear from someone with cigarettes?  They need a light.

I propose self-lighting cigarettes.  The end of each cigarette will have a small blasting cap in it.  All you have to do is cross the wires by touching the butt with your tongue (tee hee) and the cap will explode, lighting the tip.  Dangerous?  Hardly…  Unless you drop them in the pool or something dumb…  Imagine how cool you’d look lighting that.

So there you go.  As a sign of appreciation to my readers, if you want to fight over any of those ideas, they’re yours.  Free for the taking.  All I want in return is a Tshirt with a picture of boobs on it.  No reason…  I’ve just wanted one of those for a while.

The Hot Dog Mustache Party Pics!

The Hot Dog Mustache Party was a smokin’ success.  We had a big turnout, and nearly everyone brought a mustache or had one drawn on for the party.  The party kicked off around 6 and the bottles were opened by around 7.

There were 9 entries for the Hot Dog dish contest, and surprisingly, many of them were really good.  I mean like, can-I-get-a-recipe-for-that good.  I was supposed to judge, but I decided to back out and make everyone vote for their favorites.  Hey, shut up.  It’s my party and I can change the rules if I want to.  Honestly though, I just felt like I couldn’t rightfully judge all of these dishes because it was a lot to eat.  People clearly took this contest seriously and a people’s vote was much more fair.

The awards were custom made.  First place was a red wooden fish with gold-leaf fins that I got at Goodwill.  I made him a custom, and might I say dashing mustache and marked him as 1st place appropriately.  2nd place was a porcelain Spuds McKenzie with a mustache that I got in a random auction box once.  Third place was a lovely new 5950 hat that read Expensive Taste.  This is funny enough on its own.

The prizes were handed out and good times were had.  Much of the rest of the night was pretty blurry, but I remember a conversation where I suggested I grow a real ’stache like the one I was wearing that was met with overwhelming approval (this is what friends do, let you be an idiot.)  At some point, we started mixing unconventional drinks because we’d run out of good bases like Vodka, Rum and Tequila.  I did a couple of shots of Tanqueray, which tasted a lot like freshly cut grass.  Others made mixes that were almost as bad as that, some including Peach Shnapps.  Barf.

But barf I did not.  I looked at pictures yesterday and everyone stayed late and seemed to have a good time.  Some of the pictures late in the evening were not in my memory and a couple of videos were definitely not in my recollection.  I do remember thinking I might be sick, but instead falling asleep on the bathroom floor after most of the guests had left.  Hooray.

Then last night, a hardcore cold kicked in.  Probably had something to do with me standing outside without a coat on…  Ugh.

Anywho, here are the pictures I chose to share.  I may have omitted a few.

OMFG MAH NEW FONE ROCKZ!

Is the title too much?  You guys know I don’t write like that, right?  I mean, generally when I talk about my disdain for underwear and my views on sex tapes, I’m so fucking eloquent.  Ok.  Well, that’s out of the way.

I’ll start with an admission.  I am a man, and I like cool toys.  I particularly like tech toys.  Still, I never really cared much about cool cell phones.

I’m 29 and still amazed by today’s technology that I’m supposed to take for granted.  It’s unbelievable that you can have dinner with friends and, at your table, there are 4 phones with different numbers.  I think it’s so awesome that we have 3 HDtv channels where one low-quality signal used to reside.  Hell, I think GPS is some sort of voodoo magic.  I understand how all of these things work, blah blah blah, but isn’t it just amazing?

Take a moment to reflect.

Cool, huh?

Anyway, I’ve watched my friends and coworkers over the years as they upgrade to the newest phone with this bigger screen and the better camera, with each minor but expensive upgrade.  Maybe it’s the expense and the fact that I never felt like I had extra money for that, but I just lost interest.  When I got my previous phone, a Samsung Sway, in January, my nephew was so excited for me, and just couldn’t comprehend that I wasn’t excited too.  A new phone was to him what growing a tail would be for me.  (wouldn’t that be neat?)

The phone was a complete and utter piece of shit, in virtually every way.  After dealing with it for a full year, I’d heard rumors that you could extend your contract 2 years and get Verizon’s iPhone killer, the Droid for under $100 bucks.  I was intrigued.  Driven by a hatred of my existing phone, and fueled with the concept that it could be a birthday expenditure, we hit the Verizon store and picked one up.

This thing is awesome!  I can talk on the phone and browse the web at the same time and almost anywhere.  It connected directly to Flickr, Twitter and my Gmail, which was like a tongue-kiss on the first date.  I would no longer leave the Internet.  No… From now on, me and the Internet would be all BFF and shit.  Visualize me and the Internet, arm in arm, skipping through a meadow.  It’s like that.

Now I get my emails, text messages and direct tweets as soon as they’re sent.  I can watch movie trailers while I’m on the toilet, and for whatever problem I can think of, I can relax in knowing “there’s an app for that” too.  Wow.  This phone has not only changed the way I live, it’s completely changed the way I poop.

Are you a fan of the latest and greatest phones, or could you not care less as long as it dials?

Gimps, Trannies and Clown Make-up

Everybody’s got a few weird friends, but I think I might have only weird friends. I honestly can think of anyone I know that I couldn’t call and leave a message of myself singing “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” and changing the words to my message. I don’t know anyone who’d I’d offend by telling them they’re retarded or a homo. I also don’t know anyone who would be truly surprised if I called them at 3Am asking for ideas on how to make my own fake blood.

Of all the things I’ve got in this world, the people, my friends and family, are the only thing that really matters. That includes you guys, in many cases. Unless I don’t know you well enough yet. Cue the gushy bullshit music…

That being said, I’ve been trying to prepare for the Hot Dog Mustache Party and a part of that is reminding people. This is the transcript of one such conversation:

TJ: So find any chicks to invite to your party yet?

Me: For a classy guy like yourself? No.

TJ: I don’t need anything nice, just no real mustache.

Me: Not even if it’s only visible in bad lighting?

TJ: mmmmm…let me think about it.

Me: Take your time. Are you open to trannies, or do you want to decide on that one later?

TJ: I gonna say no, not the desperate yet. You could hire me a hooker for your birthday…

Me: Um… If I get to pick, I’ll consider it.

TJ: not sure would that be a good thing or a bad thing.

Me: It’s a bad thing. ball gag.

TJ: I don’t want to be the gimp…

Me: I can’t rent a gimp.

TJ: did you try craigslist, they have everything.

Me: Check for me.

TJ: Ok got messages into 2

Me: Whew. Do they take checks?

TJ: not sure, Ill find out.

Me: Also ask if they’re open to trannies.

TJ: what’s up with you and trannies?

Me: I’m trying to make it unforgettable for you. Nothing in it for me.

TJ: Ok so why do you think I want to see a tranny

Me: All Jewish people do.

TJ: So the tranny would be circumcised…right.

Me: Sure. Why not? I don’t care. They will be wearing a clown nose though.

TJ: that changes everything

Me: Which parts?

TJ: The clown nose…duh

Me: Oh. Fine. just Cold Cream then.

TJ: no clown nose no deal, period.

Me: Wait, the clown nose MADE the deal? It’s back on then.

TJ: cool

Me: Ha! I knew it! You homo.

TJ: Damn I walked right into that.

Me: Bwah ha ha ha. So anyway, have you picked out a dish?

It’s just so fucking hard to get an answer out of some people…

This is the kind of thing that I love though.  Having some idiotic random conversation over MANY emails that results in something to help you pass the workday, as well a good laugh.  It’s hard to keep in touch everyone, especially after you have kids, but I will never let go of the completely insane people that I’ve collected as a part time friend and full time idiot in this world.

What’s your favorite thing to do with your closest friends?