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I Care Way Too Much
I care way too much what some people think, but not all people. The qualification is confusing too. If I’m working with homeless/needy people I’m concerned to not act all proud of myself so they don’t think I’m some big douchebag. If I go to a high-end retailer I walk around with a “fuck you” expression because I don’t care if anyone likes me.
It’s bizarre. I was just talking to Kater about having a coffee pick-me-up. I think the problem is really that I’m afraid I’ll get stink breath, and have to talk to someone up close and they’ll go on thinking I have stinky breath all the time, and I’ll think about how they might mention to someone else that I had stinky breath and that it was terrible. Sure it’ll be in good humor, but the next thing you know I’m the guy at the office with stink breath and everyone started to avoid me and I don’t understand why there’s so much animosity so I always think I’m getting fired or something and I’m the only one who doesn’t know it and so I decide that if I have to have coffee, I would need to caution anyone within breath-shot with a disclaimer that I’ve had coffee and that my breath isn’t normally like this and, please God, don’t tell anybody because I really need this job.
It’s that bad.
When I walk down the street or mow the lawn, I feel like people are watching me from all over, which then leads me to act oddly, or at least I think it’s odd, which I then over-correct and become even more odd. (Uh oh, here come the grammar police) For example, if I’m walking down the street and I stumble, I have to put on a show for everyone who may have seen it, often mouthing words like “Oops. Didn’t see that there. Jeez”, but without saying them. You see, the people who are watching me, they can’t tell because they wouldn’t hear me through the glass.
Sometimes I feel like I’m trying too hard to look human. Breath just right, walk a normal speed, enjoy watching Seinfeld.
On the other hand, if I go to Wal-Mart, I don’t care if I have toilet paper hanging from my pants and a hat that says “My other hat is also a hat.” (Actually… I think I’d like that hat.)
So there you go, Internet. I’m, once again, asking you to diagnose me and, if you’re capable, prescribe me some meds. Is anyone else this weird?
7 Comments to “I Care Way Too Much”
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- This is the most awesome kid ever! I do exactly this at almost 30. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm_n3hg-Gbg 1 hour ago
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And this is what I have to deal with daily.
The Wife´s last blog ..When I grow up….I want to be a teacher. I think.
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we’re all weird, dude. like if you’re by yourself at the mall or walking down the street and you realize you’re going the wrong way, so you have to do something like look at your watch or phone and laugh or shake your head to look like you have some sort of reason to be randomly turning around.
also, no one should enjoy seinfeld because it’s fucking boring. curb your enthusiasm all the way.
and don’t shop at wal mart, either. it’s bad for you.
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Dude, when I trip and I know people can’t see what I tripped on (hint: myself), I pretend I tripped over a hobo. Then I start yelling at the ground and kicking like I’m beating someone up. Then when people come outside to stop me, I start laughing and I yell “I GOT YOU GOOD YOU FUCKER.” Then I run away.
Also, like 97% of my comment is a lie.
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In a word – no. You’re totally fucked up. The end.
Elly Lou´s last blog ..This week’s tweets
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I have the walking down the street problem. I’ll suddenly get the feeling that someone is watching me, then all of a sudden I realise that I can’t walk properly. Like I am square-gaiting or something.
And my legs will start to feel really odd, out of rhythm, and like when you say a word over and over so many times that it sounds totally weird and wrong. That’s how I walk.
pixielation´s last blog ..Teddy Bears – like currency, only furrier
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@The Mrs – Eat me.
@Gingermandy – See? There’s nothing wrong with me. Well, maybe I shouldn’t go that far.
@Just A Girl – That’s the best reaction I’ve ever heard of to anything in my entire life.
@Elly Lou – Thanks, jerk. Is this about your stickers? God. I’ll get the pictures to you. Jeez.
@Pixielnation – That is a perfect comparison, like you forget how to walk “normally”. We’re all freaks, aren’t we?
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I still think you have a dish of OCD with a side of human. And I’m laughing as I picture you with toilet paper hanging out of your pants, walking like you’re too cool for school. Because you totally ARE.
I bathe my cat once a week and say “world peace” every time I take a shower. We all have quirks.
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