Gimps, Trannies and Clown Make-up

Everybody’s got a few weird friends, but I think I might have only weird friends. I honestly can think of anyone I know that I couldn’t call and leave a message of myself singing “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” and changing the words to my message. I don’t know anyone who’d I’d offend by telling them they’re retarded or a homo. I also don’t know anyone who would be truly surprised if I called them at 3Am asking for ideas on how to make my own fake blood.

Of all the things I’ve got in this world, the people, my friends and family, are the only thing that really matters. That includes you guys, in many cases. Unless I don’t know you well enough yet. Cue the gushy bullshit music…

That being said, I’ve been trying to prepare for the Hot Dog Mustache Party and a part of that is reminding people. This is the transcript of one such conversation:

TJ: So find any chicks to invite to your party yet?

Me: For a classy guy like yourself? No.

TJ: I don’t need anything nice, just no real mustache.

Me: Not even if it’s only visible in bad lighting?

TJ: mmmmm…let me think about it.

Me: Take your time. Are you open to trannies, or do you want to decide on that one later?

TJ: I gonna say no, not the desperate yet. You could hire me a hooker for your birthday…

Me: Um… If I get to pick, I’ll consider it.

TJ: not sure would that be a good thing or a bad thing.

Me: It’s a bad thing. ball gag.

TJ: I don’t want to be the gimp…

Me: I can’t rent a gimp.

TJ: did you try craigslist, they have everything.

Me: Check for me.

TJ: Ok got messages into 2

Me: Whew. Do they take checks?

TJ: not sure, Ill find out.

Me: Also ask if they’re open to trannies.

TJ: what’s up with you and trannies?

Me: I’m trying to make it unforgettable for you. Nothing in it for me.

TJ: Ok so why do you think I want to see a tranny

Me: All Jewish people do.

TJ: So the tranny would be circumcised…right.

Me: Sure. Why not? I don’t care. They will be wearing a clown nose though.

TJ: that changes everything

Me: Which parts?

TJ: The clown nose…duh

Me: Oh. Fine. just Cold Cream then.

TJ: no clown nose no deal, period.

Me: Wait, the clown nose MADE the deal? It’s back on then.

TJ: cool

Me: Ha! I knew it! You homo.

TJ: Damn I walked right into that.

Me: Bwah ha ha ha. So anyway, have you picked out a dish?

It’s just so fucking hard to get an answer out of some people…

This is the kind of thing that I love though.  Having some idiotic random conversation over MANY emails that results in something to help you pass the workday, as well a good laugh.  It’s hard to keep in touch everyone, especially after you have kids, but I will never let go of the completely insane people that I’ve collected as a part time friend and full time idiot in this world.

What’s your favorite thing to do with your closest friends?