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Valentines Day is a Sucker Punch
Valentines Day isn’t something you look forward to when you’re a kid, at least I didn’t. It was just a day when your parents got you a box of shitty character based bulk cards with suckers to pass out to EVERYONE in class.
First off, I shouldn’t have to give cards to boys asking them to “be my Valentine”. That’s fucked up. Further, I shouldn’t have to give them to everyone. Everyone’s not equal, or I’d be a polygamist with male and female spouses from all my life. Is that what Cupid’s about? Multiple relationships? I’m open to a 3 way, but my whole class is a bit much.
I think the suckers attached were irony more than free candy.
Now, here I am, all growed up, and I haven’t had a valentines day yet that was something to look forward to next year. Bulk cards don’t cut it anymore and I’m a terrible pre-planner so thoughtful gifts are tough…
I’m doing great so far though. I’m going to order a gift online that won’t be here in time, and give her something I cleared with her while I was shopping.
Ladies, if your man is more prepared than this, he’s really trying. As for me, I’m switching back to bulk cards and suckers.
13 Comments to “Valentines Day is a Sucker Punch”
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I’m going to make Rocco a bacon bouquet. Ok I’m going to TRY and make a bacon bouquet. I figure worse case if I fail miserably I get to eat two pounds of fatty, porky evidence. No loose situation.
Elly Lou´s last blog ..Three Posts for the Price of One
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Dude, every little effort counts. I’ll have you know that when my then boyfriend (now husband) forgot the holiday once while we were courting, I made sure to present him with a cartoon I drew him of me stabbing him in the jugular while numerous loving couples walked by us on the street with flowers and chocolate. Point gotten. Nothing says “don’t fuck up” like blood flowing freely down a city avenue.
kelly´s last blog ..Amore Or Maybe It’s More Like Agape
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Who needs chocolate and flowers and Hallmark cards when there’s cunnilingus?
Miss Spoken´s last blog ..Touching Myself With the Hand of God
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well if you didn’t give them to EVERYONE the fat kid and the ugly ginger wouldn’t get any valentines. asshole.
START LOVING EVERYONE, JON.
gingermandy´s last blog ..I have no idea what any of this is about.
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It would have been perfectly acceptable to offer bulk cards to other boys if you went to an all gay boys school.
In exchange, you would have received either a sack of heart candies or a dirty rough sloppy blow job in the janitor’s closet during lunch.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Brilliant Sulk´s last blog ..Yes, It’s Me
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@Elly Lou – Best. Idea. Ever. How did that go, and did you take pictures?
@kelly – You *have* to instill fear early on in the relationship. He’s got to know that if you’re *that* serious about V-Day, anything worse would almost definitely result in ritual burning.
@Miss Spoken – EXACTLY! Box dinner beats any card you can get.
@gingermandy/@EVERYONE – I am going to begin loving you now, so get ready for that.
@Brilliant Sulk – Thank you for taking an undesirable holiday and making it even less desirable and more weird. Perfect.
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I bought my spouse a whole book of batman Valentines and signed every single one. No polygamy from me, guy. Not ever anymore.
Hellachella´s last blog ..They mate with their braids.
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Ever anymore, Self? Really? Way to impress the masses with your grammar skillz.
Hellachella´s last blog ..They mate with their braids.
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@Hellachella – I thought it was an intentional nod to a naughty past. No?
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Ahhh, my eyes! Dirty, rough, sloppy blowjob and box dinner are two new phrases my pristine Catholic school girl ears have NEVER heard before. I’m going to go put on my uniform sit in a corner and self flaggelate now thank you.
kelly´s last blog ..Amore Or Maybe It’s More Like Agape
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 10:22 am
I was flaggelatting when I typed that. I think… Nope… According to Google I was doing something else.
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I have the absolutely lowest expectations for Valentine’s day: Nothing. I expect nothing. And I usually get nothing. This year though my husb surprised me by putting the Xmas tree and ornaments away. I was almost in tears. Of course that also meant I had to spend the whole day today (my day off) to rid of the house of the other Xmas stuff… AND I totally agree with your sentiments on sending the bulk cards to school for everybody in the class. Just give the kids candy. They don’t care about the cards. I gave away leftover from Halloween this year. I WON!
submom´s last blog ..Happy VCNYAHS Day!
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 16th, 2010 at 5:22 am
Your year-round celebration of the holidays has me in awe.
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