Self-Humiliation and Pictures

In school I never minded doing something stupid for a laugh.  That’s right, I was a pre-pubescent attention whore.  Nothing has changed.  If it makes any difference I’m doing it all for you.  In that regard, I’d ask you to please leave some money on the dresser and see yourself out.

I love mystery, but I’m always trying to figure it out.  Effectively, I’m trying to kill the mystery I love so much.  When I read a new blog, or someone I’ve read for a long time, I often wonder what they look like.  How old are they?  Are they cooler than me?  Generally, yes and lately I’ve seen a handful of posts where brave bloggers post pictures of themselves and kill the anonymity for me.

Because I’m not much for anonymity and Aunt Becky, posted a self-humiliation post that I’ve been meaning to respond to for a month now, I present to you pictures from my k-12 years + one.  Here they are in order, as best I can tell:

1983-ish

That’s right.  Suede cowboy boots, a chicken leg in one hand, a popgun in the other, diaper and some character sunglasses.  This is probably my favorite picture of myself ever and the one I provide when anyone requests it.

1987-ish

I pity the fool that didn’t get the “I’m a ghost looking at myself” pictures in school.  This is almost as cool as the laser-beam trick that they did with vinyl mini-blinds and gel lights.  almost.

1993-ish

And here’s when the whole thing went downhill.  Note the BUM shirt, which was WAY oversized, the retarded bird’s nest on my head and the smirk that I know what’s up.  You’ll also notice I’m much fatter in this picture AND wearing a necklace that features a dragon holding a pearlescent marble.  Those last two things go hand-in-hand.

1996-ish

Growing into the pimple-faced rock t-shirt wearing dork you know and love today.  Or know and hate.  That’s a Pearl Jam tshirt, and a lovely example of hair that says “fuck you, hair gel.  I’ll do what I want.”

2000-ish

Oh dear God…  I let my hair grow out into what can only be described as a human mushroom cap.  In profile, as a silhouette, I would have looked like a giant penis.  Lots of people would say that hasn’t changed.  Those people are assholes.  Oh, I almost missed the bit of douchebaggery on my chin there.  That’s right, folks.  I was full-on hippie.

2001-ish

I picked pictures at random and they were mostly from k-12, so I almost threw this one out except that I wanted to detail that in my first apartment I was cooking my own food.  It involved car keys and prescription medication, but I was cooking!  I also got a haircut since I was now out on my own becoming a respectable (right…) member of society.

Well, there you go.  I’m sure there are cuter pictures of me before I was capable of completely fucking it up and there are definitely way more embarrassing pictures of the later years, but these are the ones I picked, so kiss it.

What do you look like?  (I’m betting my comments will be really low on this one…)