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Self-Humiliation and Pictures
In school I never minded doing something stupid for a laugh. That’s right, I was a pre-pubescent attention whore. Nothing has changed. If it makes any difference I’m doing it all for you. In that regard, I’d ask you to please leave some money on the dresser and see yourself out.
I love mystery, but I’m always trying to figure it out. Effectively, I’m trying to kill the mystery I love so much. When I read a new blog, or someone I’ve read for a long time, I often wonder what they look like. How old are they? Are they cooler than me? Generally, yes and lately I’ve seen a handful of posts where brave bloggers post pictures of themselves and kill the anonymity for me.
Because I’m not much for anonymity and Aunt Becky, posted a self-humiliation post that I’ve been meaning to respond to for a month now, I present to you pictures from my k-12 years + one. Here they are in order, as best I can tell:
1983-ish
That’s right. Suede cowboy boots, a chicken leg in one hand, a popgun in the other, diaper and some character sunglasses. This is probably my favorite picture of myself ever and the one I provide when anyone requests it.
1987-ish
I pity the fool that didn’t get the “I’m a ghost looking at myself” pictures in school. This is almost as cool as the laser-beam trick that they did with vinyl mini-blinds and gel lights. almost.
1993-ish
And here’s when the whole thing went downhill. Note the BUM shirt, which was WAY oversized, the retarded bird’s nest on my head and the smirk that I know what’s up. You’ll also notice I’m much fatter in this picture AND wearing a necklace that features a dragon holding a pearlescent marble. Those last two things go hand-in-hand.
1996-ish
Growing into the pimple-faced rock t-shirt wearing dork you know and love today. Or know and hate. That’s a Pearl Jam tshirt, and a lovely example of hair that says “fuck you, hair gel. I’ll do what I want.”
2000-ish
Oh dear God… I let my hair grow out into what can only be described as a human mushroom cap. In profile, as a silhouette, I would have looked like a giant penis. Lots of people would say that hasn’t changed. Those people are assholes. Oh, I almost missed the bit of douchebaggery on my chin there. That’s right, folks. I was full-on hippie.
2001-ish
I picked pictures at random and they were mostly from k-12, so I almost threw this one out except that I wanted to detail that in my first apartment I was cooking my own food. It involved car keys and prescription medication, but I was cooking! I also got a haircut since I was now out on my own becoming a respectable (right…) member of society.
Well, there you go. I’m sure there are cuter pictures of me before I was capable of completely fucking it up and there are definitely way more embarrassing pictures of the later years, but these are the ones I picked, so kiss it.
What do you look like? (I’m betting my comments will be really low on this one…)
19 Comments to “Self-Humiliation and Pictures”
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Wow. I think I dated you in college. Surely you were on that long list of patchouli wearing, guitar playing, oppression fighting douches.
I’d play your reindeer game if my effing hard drive hadn’t exploded into fiery bits of death. Sigh.
Elly Lou´s last blog ..Enjoy Your VD
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 8:25 am
Surely you have more photos that you could scan, and if not you need to re-enact them. Do it for the children.
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what the fuck is that shroom hair you got going on? i didn’t think it could get worse than the mr. t shirt. you never disappoint. never.
gingermandy´s last blog ..I have no idea what any of this is about.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 8:25 am
Hot right? I needed someone to smack me in the back of the head, but they were probably afraid to because the profile silhouette would have looked like they were smacking a giant wang.
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Groovy. I especially like the 1993 B.U.M T-Shirt.
Are you cutting a slice of salmon next to a bottle of pills beside that carabiner key chain in 2001?
This must be why you grow weed in the secret garden.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 8:24 am
I think that’s chicken, otherwise I can’t disagree with any of the rest of this comment.
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Thank you. And here I didn’t get you anything.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 10:08 am
I think the perfect gift would be for you to SET UP YOUR BLOG AND POST PICTURES TOO.
I’m callin’ you out.
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Wow. I’m kind of wishing there was a fro picture, but I think the mushroom cap pretty much satisfied that yearning.
Well done.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 10:58 am
I’m going to call that hairstyle “desire”. It makes me desire a time machine and a pair of scissors.
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That Mr T shirt rocks my world.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 10:59 am
I had another one with Robocop on it. I tended to pick some badass tshirts for picture day so I wouldn’t look soft.
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OMG! You’re so cute!!!! (And you know what I am going to say next, right? Now everybody together: “WHAT HAPPENED?!” LOL. Sorry. Can’t help being mean) Did you perm your hair? Was that the in-thing even for boys? I sported some bad perms in college so I could relate… (Ok, if that was not perm please apologize to your parents for me I meant no offense… LOL) As for the mushroom cap… Many in my company still sport that hair style, I suspect it’s a code of honor or something amongst IT, Computer and SW programmers… Or maybe gamers? And I like your last picture, from a mom’s perspective, it’s one that I would give to a matchmaker, after I crop off the prescription drug of course. Also I tried to read the medicine bottle, did it start with V or something?
To answer your question: I am a cock too and I am Chinese. That should narrow it down for ya…
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 16th, 2010 at 5:29 am
Oh thanks, I … Oh. Nevermind. It was a backhanded compliment… Grrr.
No perm, that’s my real hair. The shroom was an accident, of course. It was *supposed* to hang down all punky, but hated me so it did as it pleased…
As for the medicine, you know – I just don’t know… I don’t remember being medicated, but maybe that’s what the medicine was for.
I *definitely* didn’t see myself typing this in my comments this morning, but:
COCKS UNITE!
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submom Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
THAT. That is t-shirt worthy. Just sayin.
submom´s last blog ..Raising Boys
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Pretty sure we dated, yo. You look awfully familiar…
And BUM! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I so remember it.
Aunt Becky´s last blog ..I Forget What C Was For
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 16th, 2010 at 5:30 am
I don’t remember, but as I noted to submom, I was evidently taking medicine that made me forgetful. In fact, I’m pretty sure I was under the influence of “medicine” that made me forgetful a lot then.
I’m not sure which is worse, the hair, the necklace or the shirt. It’s a train wreck of awful.
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Oh yeah. This made my day. I would counter with a pic of me sporting my favorite iron on STAR WARS shirt from Spencers but my eyes bleed when I look at it.
kelly´s last blog ..Alone
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 5:08 am
Hmmm… A picture post of your own is in order!
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