18
It’s About to Get Ugly
I made a new internet-friend the other day, HellaChella, who as I’ve previously discussed cannot help me move, lend me money or bring me a sandwich… What she can do, though, is make a bad ass sock puppet zombie.
It is because of that fact, that I am writing this post today. You see, she’s got a contest going over at Coffee & Zombie Movies to post (on your own blog) the ugliest things you own. There might have been rules to post only a few things, but I don’t like reading rules. Rules are dead to me. And nobody like dead rules, or rule zombies. This has become a tangent.
A plaster cast of Falstaff from Shakespeare fame. Won this in a random auction box once. Everyone needs a fat guy getting drunk for their desk.
Phantom of the Opera brass lamp. This is a sad entry, as I've known this lamp all my life. It was my grandmothers, and last summer the lens was broken and the face dented... Still, pretty darn ugly.
UGLY crystal lamp that came, wrapped in an afghan, inside an antique dresser we bought.
Kitty Cat Creamer. He's here to pour your cream, then steal your soul.
The Haunted Vent Covers. We have 2. Both are broken and add a special ambience to any room.
This is the actual wallpaper from my laundry room, shot from maybe 5 feet away. BIG pattern... Notice the crazy floral wallpaper theme in the other pictures? We have A LOT of it.
The Wooden Boy. He holds his bowl laboriously, full of fake mustaches. Carved from a single piece of wood, and I am not positive he's not really alive.
Classic Car Dash for your wall. This is a GIANT art piece, made to look like the interior of a classic car. It has working dimmable dash lights, a working clock and (drumroll) a functional stereo and speaker.
The lady of the sea is a mural painted on the floor, just inside our front door. I wonder why the painter saw it fit to make her have some rolls and smallish boobies? Hmmm.. We may never know.
The Faceless Woman. This is the inside of our stained glass window, visible from the front of our 150+ year old country house. From the front she is gorgeous... From inside, the cold dark hallway, she has no face.
43 Comments to “It’s About to Get Ugly”
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Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly frighten me more. Holy hell.
Except for the dashboard artwork. That shit is FANTASTIC!
Elly Lou´s last blog ..Enough. With. The. Fucking. Snow.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:04 am
Can’t you come out and play. Bwah ha ha ha
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Seriously. Jackpot.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:05 am
!!!EVERYBODY LOOK!!!
This is good news from the contest’s organizer. Cross your fingers!
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You own ALL of these things? I would enter my hairy monkey but we used the voodoo guide to bury him. When he crawls out of his shallow grave and knocks on the door to kill me I’ll let you know.
kelly´s last blog ..Alone
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:06 am
I’m VERY supportive that you’re comfortable talking about entering your hairy monkey in my comments, but maybe a toywithme.com post would be more appropriate.
hehe – Seriously, make sure the dirt’s not fresh!
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kelly Reply:
February 20th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
The monkey has spoken and he says entering him in any sort of contest would result in the gates of hell flinging wide open. Point taken.
kelly´s last blog ..I Am About Twenty Years Away From My Full Destructive Potential
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Dude…I’m actually frightened. Mostly of your wallpaper. How do you LIVE with all that?
shine´s last blog ..It’s high time for a good ramble.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:07 am
It’s not bad really, the voices keep me company.
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Seen it.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:08 am
Yes, but have you seen the basement. That’s what I’m showing you next time. I don’t think I’ve ever shown you my downstairs.
(snicker)
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Troy Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 11:00 am
The sad part about that statement is that you have shown me the basement.
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Right now the ugliest thing I own is my uterus … picture to follow …
Miss Spoken´s last blog ..I Totally Forged This Letter
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 4:45 am
That’s not true, all the pictures I’ve seen look kinda like a steer’s skull.
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i like the lamp! but black hole paw kitteh is kinda freakin me out.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 4:46 am
Which lamp? One I love, one I hate. The kitty, well that speaks for itself… Literally.
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Dude, what’s up with the hoarder in you?! And what’s up with the flowery wallpaper?! Like, you have 3 different kinds going on. How many rooms do you have?! And I would like to lodge the complaint that you now forever ruined Falstaff for me: he looks like Santa! ugh. Thanks. Was going to ask how you knew it’s Falstaff then I saw the base. Never mind. ugh.
submom´s last blog ..Raising Boys
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 4:47 am
I am a collector of things. Hoarder sounds like I’m cheap and easy… I have a different kind of awful wallpaper in every room but one. It came with the house. Honestly, it’s growing on me now…
Oh, and Falstaff… I’d have you believe that I just knew who that was, but I had to look it up.
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I’m new here.. so pardon… but I love the Phantom Lamp. They don’t put clocks in lamps anymore, do they? The kitty creamer would worry me, but I have a cow creamer, which you’d think might make a little sense.. but the cream pours out of its mouth. Wanna trade?
Ry Sal ´s last blog ..Nana Inspired #1 – The Brooch Cronicles
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 4:56 am
No need to pardon, you are certainly welcome! May I get you a glass of brandy?
They DON’T put clocks in lamps anymore, which, I believe, is just lazy.
Regarding the cow creamers… I have 6. Different kinds at that. Now, I’m not just a crazy hoarder as Submom would have you believe, I actually collect those in particular.
Like this:
http://mrsbadhousewife.blogspot.com/2009/11/moo-cow-creamer.html
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kelly Reply:
February 20th, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Ry has a Native American Dorian Gray. I don’t think anything can match it.
kelly´s last blog ..I Am About Twenty Years Away From My Full Destructive Potential
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 5:18 am
Are you being random, or am I too stupid to understand what you mean?
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About that wallpaper. Okay, so here ya go. Warm water, spray bottle, liquid fabric softener. You spray it on. You let it soak in. You peel it off. It really works. That stuff will peel off in one solid piece, smooth as silk, no matter how it was applied. Then some attractive paint and tada! No more headaches! Damn! You could have skipped the items and just taken pix of the wallpapers.
Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Wicked Girls……What Do You Really Think Of Us?
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 9:57 am
You’re absolutely right, except… It’s all vinyl wallpaper. Yeah. So you know… Scrapers and lots of tearing. We have a lot of helpful friends, though.
Hey! Do you live near Indy area? You can help!!!
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Wicked Shawn Reply:
February 20th, 2010 at 9:41 am
Dude, I am only a couple hours from Indy and if it means saving ya’ll from rooms full of that wall paper, I will grab some protective eyewear, take extra seizure meds and head that way!
Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Wicked Girls……What Do You Really Think Of Us?
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 5:21 am
There is a very real possibility that I will take you up on this. We’ll call it a wallpaper meetup, but in reality it’s cheap labor.
Can I just say that this entire entry made me laugh out loud, comments included.
Please turn your house into a museum and charge a $5 entrance fee. This shit needs to be seen in person by many people.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:13 am
For you, I’d drop the price to a mere $4 per hour, rounded up to the nearest hour. That includes overly excited dog trampling at NO extra charge!
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Your house is one giant garage sale waiting to happen.
toywithme´s last blog ..Open Letter to All The Men Who Maybe Want to Sleep With Me
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:13 am
Madam, I am offended.
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Wait. When the hell did you move into my grandparent’s house?
Jay´s last blog ..Freestyle Friday: Yeeaaaahhhhhh!!
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:14 am
Couple weeks ago… I wasn’t sure how to tell you, but I decided a public blog post with pictures would be subtle enough. When are you coming to visit? You never visit…
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Hello, I came here by way of Chelle’s blog. I just had to see the rest of your ugly collection. Congrats!
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:15 am
I read the news and I couldn’t be more excited. Well.. I could be more excited, by definition… But I haven’t peed myself yet so I’m in good shape.
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many congratulations on the well deserved accolade !
t i m´s last blog ..Ugly Possession Contest
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:16 am
Accolade, eh? This comment section just got a lot fancier, folks. Thanks for the comment. I’m honored.
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So you are actually a little old lady who drinks sherry and gets her hair done at the beauty parlor every Thursday morning. Do you have an afghan too?
A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Pussies, Pigtails and Glitter
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:16 am
I’m not going to say anything specific, but isn’t the anonymity of the Internet pretty neat?
I’ve got to go now, Matlock is coming on. I don’t miss Matlock.
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A Vapid Blonde Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
I would have pegged you for Murder She Wrote.
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 5:20 am
Oooooh Jessica… You sly fox. *wink*
[...] I talk to strangers, run with scissors and make inappropriate conversation in almost any environment. I'm also a design geek with a passion for color, layout and boobs. Especially boobs. « It’s About to Get Ugly [...]
Holy crap, that is some awesome and sem-awesome wacky stuff there!
The car dash art is my absolute fave.
As for the cat creamer and the wooden boy, my grandparents had wacky junk like that everywhere.
Brahm´s last blog ..Holy crap, the internet says I’m dying!
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KeepingYouAwake Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 5:19 am
I think it adds character and would also serve to confuse criminals who wanted to steal my nice things.
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