The title of this post has a lie in it.  It has nothing to do with chasing rainbows. I’m not sorry I lied.

Most mornings, anymore, I haul myself out of bed after the alarm has sufficiently pissed me off and not a moment before.  I stand up against the will of morning gravity and immediately start processing all the things that I have to start doing and how long it will be before I can lay back down.  This morning was different, though.  This morning I woke up before my alarm and felt rested.

Why?  Because I had a great dream.  Al Gore was in it.  Now get your mind out of the gutter.

In my dream, I was fighting Al Gore in a toy store.  We weren’t really fighting, necessarily, but sort-of wrestling about without any real punching or kicking.  After I’d whale on him like an older sibling would do, I’d run the aisles and collect a toy or two before he could catch up to me.  I stock-piled them in one area, waiting to collect them at the end of the fight.

While I do love toys, I don’t feel any need to beat up Al Gore.  Maybe that’s the game though, because for a shopping spree, I’d definitely fight him.  That’s the obnoxious kid in me, I guess.

Speaking of toys, have you seen these Zhu Zhu Pets?  What the hell are they trying to push on us now?  From what I’ve experienced, a Zhu Zhu Pet is basically a toy car from the 80s (the kind that would drive around all crazy, run into walls, turn and go another direction) wrapped in a hamster suit that is sometimes made to look like another animal and all sharing the same electronics so they make the same varied animal noises when they bump into something.  I don’t get it.

Beyond being a very simple toy, they’re $10 freakin’ dollhairs each!  Of course this was the only thing my oldest daughter was asking for, so we bought two, but that seemed like such a lame offering that I bought some “track” for them as well.  They are a lot more fun in the track, but need constant supervision or they’ll fall over and get stuck, or escape and roll off the table.

I guess chasing toy hamsters around the room makes my dream about wrestling Al Gore sound like a decent alternative.

What’s your weirdest recent dream?

The yard sale at the church was a success in many ways.  We sold a bunch of crap we didn’t need, gave away some crap that wouldn’t quite sell, and added some more money to the jar.  Best of all, we saw and talked to some really odd people.  I can’t imagine a better forum to make fun of people I don’t know, and somehow I know that you’d have all done the same thing.

Some people would come out of nowhere, because there was a big parking lot next to and behind the church we were set up at.  One very young couple did just that, except their arrival was marked by a caramel colored pit bull, running around without a collar or leash.  Obviously, having a pit bull myself, I wasn’t too concerned, but a pit bull off the leash doesn’t do well to draw in families with small children.

We made a comment when they arrived that their dog was very pretty and they stood and talked to us and didn’t stop to look at any of our stuff.  The guy had spiked hair and the girl was dressed like a hooker with a ton of make-up, hair done-up and a dress which she had folded over her belt to raise it to just under her ass.  She was also wearing a lot of pink costume jewelry and wearing heels.  That’s right, heels at a garage sale.  In the dirt where it had been raining all night.

They wanted so much to tell us about their dog and all the stuff she can do and so on and so forth.   They tried getting her to do some tricks, but instead she just ran around and sniffed all the children.  Finally they wanted to show us how excited she is to get a treat, but the treats were in the car so they left to get them and promised they’d be back.  Thank God they were as flakey as they were crazy.

Regarding people who take their dogs to yard sales, there was a couple who were probably in their 50s, both overweight and both wearing giant bluetooth earsets like they longed to be in a sci-fi movie, on the deck of some collosal spacecraft. The man was wearing a lycra Starter shirt, probably intended for workouts, but it was stretched skin-tight over a giant pot belly and two pointed and perky man-boobs.  Their dog was shedding, evidently…

I know this particularly well because they told us how bad she was shedding.  They said how bad it normally is. Of course, he also had to show us, so with the wind blowing toward us, he proceeded to pull out big chunks of fur and let them loose to fly all over us.  While this was happening and we sat in disbelief, they proudly told us how they were able to use his shedded fur to make both a cat bed, and a dog blanket for her cage.

Sure some people are just dumb, and they don’t really mean to offend anyone.  Others, on the other hand, are just assholes.  For example, Mrs and I went to the sale next door and left a friend watching over the sale for us.  A woman asked about the price of jackets and coats and our friend said $3 for the jackets and $10 for the leather coat.  The woman wanted the leather coat for $3, because it wasn’t leather, she claimed, because it was suede…  The same woman wanted a $10 quesadilla maker.  She offered $3…  Our friend countered $7.  She offered $5 and our friend took it.  (It is a yard sale and I don’t want to haul all this crap home)  She agreed, although irritable, then complained loudly that she didn’t see the box to go with it, or the instruction manual…

The list goes on, but those folks stood out.  We made about $200 between Friday and Saturday and only managed to spend about a quarter of that on stuff from the area including a set of loudspeakers I intend to mount on the garage to play circus music all day and night.  Now that that’s over, we’re doing the most logical thing…  We’re planning to have the yard sale again at our own house this weekend.  I’ll try to take pictures.

Do you have any good yard sale stories?

Mrs and I are financially retarded.  We accrued a bunch of debt when I was out of work in 2008 and it hangs around like a disgusting houseguest that just won’t leave. You know the kind I’m talking about…  They leave soda cans around your house and eat up all your Doritos.  Why I never.  There oughta be a law.

Well, anyway…  We’ve been trying to get out of that debt since and it’s really not easy.  I know that comes as a surprise, since you’re usually hearing about how easy it is to become debt-free today.  I mean, all I have to do is file Chapter ## Bankruptcy and I’m all set, right?  Except that we’re under 5 digits in debt, and I’d rather just dig back out on my own.  Still, just because it’s the right way, doesn’t mean it’s the easy way.  Also, I think it means that daytime TV lawyers are lying to me.

What do you do when you need more money than you have?  Start selling shit you don’t like anymore  (and eventually organs you don’t really need to live).  There is an event this weekend known as the Highway 38 Rummage Sale, near where Mrs grew up, and we were invited to use a church in her hometown in an attempt to draw people in to buy food and snacks from the church.  Obviously this is the right thing to do.  You could even say it’s God’s work.  You might be way wrong and totally out of line, but you gotta be you and I support that.

We commenced gathering junk for a yard sale and piling up boxes by the doors.  Once all that was done, I, being the house pack-mule, started getting everything to the sun room where I could load it into the truck.  Handling box after box of stuff we weren’t sure about anymore, I realized something…

This stuff is all crap.

Why the hell do we even have most of this shit?  We have lofty hopes of making $400 in this endeavor, but I can’t imagine paying that for this pile of crap.  Jeez.  I love garage sales, rummage sales, sidewalk sales and pretty much any other sort of outdoor sale where you can buy stuff by saying “Hmmm…  I’ve only got X dollars…  Would you take [considerably less] for this [piece of shit I don't need]?”  When I think of cool stuff to sell at the yard sale, I think of cool stuff I’ve bought at yard sales that I won’t part with now.

So the truck is loaded and now I start wondering…  Should I have gone through movies to sell?  maybe old video games I don’t play anymore?  Should I have included children’s books we don’t like that we bought with a box of ones we did like?  Should I have gone through the barn looking for bottles and little bits that people would find endearing?

Am I still holding out on the good stuff?  Ugh.  We’ll see how it goes, but it looks like my weekend is going to be spent sitting outside of a church, pawning my junk on helpless citizens.

Do you have any suggestions or ideas on making the most of your garage sale?

We aren’t connected to city water, but instead have a well.  We pump our own water from the earth.  Cool, huh?  Yes, except that it’s not pretty clean filtered water.  On the upside, I’m not subjected to the mind-control chemicals that they put in city water (you know it’s true).  On the downside, the water is a bit sulferous in odor (stinks like eggs) and rusty as well…  Don’t get picky…  If you’re going to drink water from the tap, would you want it fresh from the earth, or fresh from a large building that largely is there to remove poop from it?

We can get phone service, but no DSL so Internet has to come either through a satellite dish, or Wireless broadband.  I’ve used the satellite internet before and it sucks ass so wireless broadband or dial up…

No city trash service…  This is a pain in the ass, but nobody comes to pick up our trash.  I have to drive it to the recycling plant.  I could pay a service, but screw that.  I’ll just drive it there…  Later.

Finally, we can’t get cable.  We can get satellite, of course, but no cable TV or Internet.  We talked about satellite for a few minutes once, but decided we just didn’t watch enough TV.  We can pick up maybe 6 channels without an antenna, and we’ve made do with that for as long as we’ve lived there now, relying mostly on DVDs and only watching the channels we get.  It’s free and it works for us.

Simple enough, right?  You’d think so.

When I’m talking to someone new, sometimes a TV show will get mentioned.  “Have you seen this?” or “Do you watch that?”  At this point in the conversation, the person is generally excited about the show they’re talking about and wants to share that with me.  I listen and smile and tell them it sounds really great but I haven’t seen it because I don’t have cable, but I’d totally watch it on DVD sometime.

*blank stare*

They ask why not, I explain we can’t get it and don’t really want it anyway because we don’t watch much TV.  That’s when it starts.

The person will immediately defend that they don’t watch much TV either and that it’s completely optional and they don’t depend on any shows or anything, they just watch it if it’s on and besides everyone watches TV and I’m the real freak here because I don’t but really, they only watch like one or two shows that they really care about anyway.  I mean, after all, they don’t have all that much free time either and they’re very busy so they just try to fit it in.

I don’t care.  You can go home every night and add another rubber band to the ball you’ve been creating for years, or sit on your front porch and write down new names for cheese spreads that have not yet been invented.  I think, if anything, that would make you a more interesting individual.  If you want to go home and veg out with the TV, that’s cool with me.  There are nights when we watch Law and Order for 3 hours because we can get it on one of our free channels and sometimes that’s nice.

Many of you may be in the same boat as me on this one, where you simply don’t watch TV.  Maybe you’ve got it for the kids or the significant other or the dog who likes the bright colors, but you don’t really find the time yourself.  If that’s you and you don’t already know this – do not suggest to the people who defend that they don’t “need” TV that they get it disconnected to save money.  They’ll likely take that as a threat, puff up their feathers and come at you with a machete or something.

Are you BFF with the boob tube?

If I’m in the middle of a conversation, my mind often wanders the subject changes mid topic frequently and it’s like playing the 6-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon game to figure out what the fuck we were talking about.  If Mrs and I are having “creative differences”, during the “stop to reflect” times when it’s quiet I’ll look away and become entranced, wondering how the molding on the floor was actually made.  Like, what does that machine look like.  What does it do?  How long have they had it and what did they use beforehand?  What kind of money would the guy who made these make?  Would I enjoy that job?  And what’s up with that wallpaper?

Yeah.  She’s going to read this and be 50% pissed and 50% not-surprised.

When I’m trying to get work done it goes one of two ways.  If I’m online to get the work done, I start talking on Twitter, IM and email.  I get tied up in junk websites like buzzfeed.com or thereifixedit.com for an hour at a time.  I keep going back to the task, but then get confused because I’ve lost my place and then go back to talking.

If I’m not online, I will start cleaning.  Whether it’s cleaning the house, or cleaning up the files on my computer, I’ll do this to fidget.  Either way, I keep from doing what I’m supposed to be doing.  It’s terrible.

I’m not a typical time-waster though.  I won’t spend hours in front of the TV.  It kills me to sit that long.  I love to watch movies, but can only do one at a time without losing interest.  I’d love to just sit and draw for hours, but I never find 5 minutes for that and with all this time being used up, I can’t find something I’m accomplishing.

So here’s my offer to you:

I can’t seem to fix this problem, so I’m going to market it.  If there’s something that you don’t want to do, just assign it to me!  I’ll continue to not do it, just like you were doing, except I’ll give you a scapegoat (For $50, you can also get an actual goat, inquire by email.)

But wait, there’s more!

I’ll accomplish *other* tasks for you that you didn’t expect.  Hire me to put off your term paper, and I’ll not do your term paper, but research something similar and give you 30 links to that instead.  I’ll pull some weeds in your yard, play with your dog and reorganize your kitchen.  What a value, right?

I know it sounds too good to be true.  you might even say to yourself; “Hey, how can I trust that you’ll put off my task?  You’ve started blogging again!  Are you going to be a slacker or not?!?!?”  This is a valid question.

I’ve decided to put off different things in my own schedule to continue blogging, cracking wise on the Twitter and  getting the job not-done for you.  For example, I now only poop every other day if I can help it.  I’ve been reading all my email and watching interesting videos while I drive, putting MY LIFE at risk so that I can screw around for YOU later.

Squirrel!

Any time that I’ve stayed in a hotel with the Mrs and nothing happens, I feel like I should ask for a partial refund.  I mean, what the fuck?    Sure, the sheets are dirty and you’d never want to look at the room with a blacklight, but it’s just something we do as humans, the great and noble race.

But  what if you’re alone?  Are you still entitled to hotel sex?  I’m not suggesting you cheat on your lover.  That’s some shitty shit, and we all know it.  I’m saying, aren’t you entitled to sex with yourself?  I mean, we’ve established that it’s tradition, right?  And you have needs and stuff.  So there’s that.

I stayed in a hotel in Atlanta for job training.  I was there for a whole week, paid.  They covered our room expenses and offered a daily allowance for meals.  It was a sweet gig.  I even met some cool people down there that I could hang out with and we partied it up right.  Since I was with someone at the time (not my invisible friend, but I mean I had a girlfriend at home) I wasn’t going to be bedding anyone in my room, so I stayed out mega late.  One night when I returned, I was looking for something to watch when I saw the XXX channels.

Oh sure, you can generally tell by the name what they are about, right?  There’s not a whole lot of mystery in those movies except maybe “Who’s ____ is that?”  or “Is that her _____?”.  One title caught my eye though.  The Naked News.  Hmmm…  So I read on to find that it was supposed to be a sexy “newscast” where they stripped as they read you the news.  I’m not sure why, but I thought it could be pretty interesting.

I rented it.

Yep, I rented my first hotel porn.  It loads up and starts playing and I sit back and wait.  The whole beginning was boring as fuck.  I mean, shit.  It was like watching the fucking news.   The newscasters were relatively cute.  There was even a dude I think, but I figured that was for the hetero sex scenes.  I mean, clearly there would be sex scenes.  This was a hotel porno.

As one newscaster read off the featured pieces, including news on wars overseas, poverty and rioting, she removed her clothes very casually.  No pinching, no twisting, no fondling.  It was like she was me, but with boobs, getting ready for a shower after mowing the grass.  WTF?  On to the weather…  Same thing.  High 70s…  Here goes my shirt.  Overcast on Tuesday… And there’s my bra.

I hate the news.  I don’t watch it normally and this was no better.  In fact, I won’t explain any more because (lather/rinse/repeat) this was how each segment went.  Boring as fuck.  If I had been a little bit interested in self-gratification to start, at the end I was concerned about our economy, planning my outfit for the weekend and thinking about the various crime in the area.  Bonified boner material, you guys.  Oh yeah.

I turned it off and went to bed.  It literally put me to sleep.  Then in the morning I realized that it wasn’t my bill.  It was the company’s bill.

Fuck!

Fortunately, it was the morning of check-out, but unfortunately that meant I had to think fast.  Here’s how that check-out dialog went:

Me: Oh yes, it was an excellent stay.  I don’t owe anything do I?  I just want to be sure.

Her: Um…  Oh, yes.  Here’s something.  Looks like you’ve got a video rental from last night.

(I’m sure she deals with this all the freaking time)

Me: I do?!?  What was it?  I didn’t rent anything in my room…

Her: Oh, it looks like it was something called “The Naked News”.

Me: The what?  Did you say Naked News?  I’m sorry, but what is that?

Her: (she reads the description)

Me: I can’t imagine why anyone would rent that.  It sounds terribly boring.

Her: No problem, sir.  I’ll remove it from your account.  It’s all taken care of.

Smooth, right?  I think she just felt bad for the massive loser she was talking to that apparently gets his rocks off by watching current events.  I’d have wanted me gone too.

Have you ever gotten yourself into trouble like this?

By the time I was done refueling, he was at least a block down the road if not more.  I called out to him and pointed at the dog, at which point he threw his hand out as if to say “I don’t care…”  We put her in the car.  I named her Bambi because she could not stay on her feet in the back of the car.  She smelled like wet garbage and there probably wasn’t a bone on her that I couldn’t see.  We gave her a bath at Mrs’ parent’s house because…  Well, wouldn’t you?  she vomited newspaper and leaves.  We had to keep her.

That sweet dog has somehow disappeared and been replaced with the Pit Bull from Hell.

She actually doesn't mind crap like this...

She’s an easy going dog, unless she’s hungry.  If she’s hungry, you need to give her something, anything, or she’ll find something to eat.  Oh, and she’s always hungry.

We took her to the vet straight away and found that she was about 3 years old by measuring the plaque on her teeth.  Gross, right?  She amazingly didn’t have worms or disease of any kind.  Pretty healthy for a very thin street dog.  Who knows what past she has…  I can tell you, however, that she hates strange dogs.  Taking her on a walk near other dogs means I get to hold her to my chest and have her bludgeon me with her head.  It’s awesome.

To the left, to the left. Her left...

Her?  No way dude.  I know that’s what you’re thinking.  But that’s the easiest part.  See, she doesn’t hate our other dogs.  She realizes they’re part of her pack (or some shit).  That’s not a big deal.  What is a big deal is that she can’t be trusted alone in the house.

She’s the most loyal dog in the world.  She’ll come when you call, even if she’s in a chase.  But don’t leave her alone in the house.  The first time it happened, I took pictures.  It was, by far, not the worst damage she’s done.

This is where she escaped her cage. She did it by somehow making the front collapse inward and then climbing over it. This is where she got into the main household trashcan that she spread around the house. Oh yeah, and she ate a whole pan of chocolate brownies. And some plaster decorations....

She hauled the kitchen trash can in its entirety into the living room for convenience. She also got into the bathroom and brought toilet paper through the house, as well as various other things she found. Oh yeah, and she ate several bars of Dove soap. She STILL loves that stuff.

I guess she got tired after a while, and started taking her treasures to the bedroom. She chewed on clothes and peed and pooped EVERYWHERE.

You might be saying “It can’t be true, you’re framing that poor dog”.  I mean look at that face:

All tuckered out... The shithead...

I had to zip-tie the cage together at all seams and close off the auxillary door.  Then she learned how the latches worked so I had to start putting luggage locks on the latches to keep them closed.  Then she started destroying the luggage locks by biting down on them and compressing the brass padlock until it wouldn’t re-lock properly.  Then I used larger locks.  That was working…

Then one day, when she was in the bathroom she somehow got out of her cage, chewed up the door handle trying to get out and tore off the door trim.  We couldn’t figure out how she escaped.  nothing was loose…  She made a hole.  In the steel cage…

The cage was in the basement so that if she did get out, she wouldn't do any damage... As you can see, she has strong jaws.

This is hole is what prompted me to put her in the basement. I fixed it with a license plate...

While she was doing this damage, she also tore out and chewed up all the sump pump line.  Not long after this, the front door was filled with 3 license plates, and then those came off. now we have her in a different cage with thicker bars.  So far, so good.  I’m thinking about customizing a Dogloo house as a cage so she can’t break out.

She's a sweet kid...

She’s a real handful, but she’s ours now so I can’t let anything bad happen to her.  I need to find her a good home where she is the only dog.  It would be great if she was out in the country, because she loves to go out with you, but she’s also a big fan of riding in cars.  I mean, a BIG fan.  She loves the car.  She’ll be good in the car too.

Unless someone pops up that we can trust, we’ll have this maniac for the rest of her life.  She cant’ be contained, she can’t be stopped and she’s put our mastiff in the clinic once for trying to eat his leg when he acted dominant.

Tell me your dog story, or let me know if you’re interested.  I couldn’t possibly divulge anything worse about her.

If you don’t remember the My Buddy & Kid Sister commercials from the 80s, you probably think I’m crazy.  If you do, you’re already aware that I’m crazy from previous exploits.  Either way, I’ve come here today to share with you my day with my new buddy, Larry Jacobs.  Larry is a zombie sock puppet, made by Chelle over at Coffee & Zombie Movies.

I won him for having the ugliest weird shit.  He’s mine now.  Stop winking at him, because it’s awkard for both of us.  Check out the pictures from our outing:

Larry likes riding in the truck. He was a little leery when I called shotgun, but he settled down after a bit.

I tried to snap a picture just as the plate was hot on the table, but Larry was *really* hungry. The waitress never did come back. It was weird.

After lunch, we visited the Flea Market to find Larry a friend. This is Dr. Bones. They're all BFF and shit.

Larry is one swingin' cat. He insisted on visiting the swings before us, and I had to use the restroom. He's awfully happy, considering it looks like all the kids must have left him. Oh well, keep your chin up larry. Hold it up high.

Larry took a moment on the slide to enjoy the sun. I sniffed all around, but couldn't figure out where someone was cooking bacon.

Larry's shirt suggests he wished these were brains. He found these at the Flea Market. I must admit, they are quite lovely and squishy.

Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, Larry's new favorite book.

Dreaming Zombie Dreams...

So there you have it.  Larry’s mostly hanging around the house nowadays.  He’s really taken a liking to Abraham (Lincoln), our cat.  He’s very helpful, often getting meat out of the deep freeze to thaw for dinner and has only tried to eat my brains once.  He’s such a gentleman.

As you can see, there was a full box of what I’ll call booby-balls, which were like those balls that you squeeze and there is a metallic fluid inside that swirls inside the plastic when you squeeze it.  They were $1, so I bought several.  Expect them as gifts at the next party.  We also bought some homemade treats made from wheat and potatoes, that tasted like pork rinds and looks like bacon.  Pretty fantastic.  Dr. Bones was picked up in a small manga shop where the proprietor sells these and a few other goodies for a friend who makes them.  He was only $20!!!

What would you do if you had Larry for a day?

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you guys all know who Aunt Becky is, from reading Mommy Wants Vodka, or follow her on Twitter.  I’ll also assume that you’re a snappy dresser and a good kisser.  If any of those things are not true, now is the time to change them.  Visiting her new site and reading up will definitely improve the quality of your day by at least 23%.  It might even take away that terrible burning when you pee.  (Or maybe you should get that checked out…)

Can we be “real” for a minute?  It’s tough to get published nowadays.  Everyone’s afraid to put a lot of money into anything, and print is in tough times.  If you want to get published, you’d better be a sure thing.  That’s what we’re here to prove with this.  If Aunt Becky can get enough pre-pre-orders on her book, she’ll be green-lit (in addition to regular or drunken lit) and happy as a clam.

What do you have to do?  Give your name and email, then click the “Hell Yes” button, or just “yes” if you prefer.  You don’t have to buy anything and nobody gets hurt.  You’re just saying “Hey, this chica’s pretty funny.  I’d buy that, like, if it was, you know, like, cheap enough, or had a holographic cover.  Submit the form, and bingo bango, you’ve helped a young girl’s dream come true.

So without further Ado, and in celebration of yet another lazy Monday post on my part, go see Aunt Becky and help her get published.

With the new (97) Yukon in the garage a familiar sense of pride washed over me.  Before the Mrs brought it home, I fired up the tractor and re-graded the gravel in the garage.  I also re-plowed a bit of driveway in front of the garage door we don’t generally use and cleaned a big area out next to where I normally park.  Now I could park my tiny refrigerator of a car on the other side of the garage and leave a big open space for the mammoth Yukon to dominate.

It’s a 13 year old truck, but I’m so proud to have it that I’ll clean the garage and fight over who gets to drive it next. Standing back from the garage, I realized I should have taken a “before” picture.  In fact, I realized I should take lots of “before” pictures.

I’ve addressed before that I’m amazed by simple things.  I try so hard not to take things for granted, and I’m so fortunate to have so many positive changes in my life.  I always catch myself saying or thinking “Man, would you believe that we’d _______ last year at this time?”  Just one year can make so much difference.

So my idea is this, I’m going to take a shit-load of boring pictures. All the most sad and mundane things around the house.  It’s normal to take pictures of your new car, or the house once it’s been repainted.  What I want to do is take pictures of all the things that are “so-so” and compare them later on.  I can’t imagine I’ll have much bitching to do when the proof is right there.

This seems like a good thing for the kids too, to be able to say “yeah, this is how it used to be – but we worked hard and got this better thing”.  I grew up with very little money, but my parents always made sure I had what I wanted.  Miss E is already getting whatever she wants, so I hope the little things aren’t lost on her.

I don’t want to make a bragging list, but when I look at my house I think “Wow, that’s awesome.  I’m so lucky.”  When I use my neat smartphone I think “This is so cool, that I can have something like this.”

*mushy alert*

When I look at the Mrs, I think “She’s so awesome, more than I ever expected. I am so lucky to have her” and similar for my friends, including you guys, I’m lucky to have you all and when I compare memories, it’s always positive change.

This was a week late, and somber on top of that, so I want to spice up the deal by having you visit Fucking Windows. Go there and resize your window over and over.  Fucking awesome.