I Don’t Care if you Watch TV

If you don’t know this yet, Mrs and I live way out of the city.  What you may not realize is that not everyone can get the same standard services that we all grow accustomed to in the city.  These are things you don’t take for granted…

We aren’t connected to city water, but instead have a well.  We pump our own water from the earth.  Cool, huh?  Yes, except that it’s not pretty clean filtered water.  On the upside, I’m not subjected to the mind-control chemicals that they put in city water (you know it’s true).  On the downside, the water is a bit sulferous in odor (stinks like eggs) and rusty as well…  Don’t get picky…  If you’re going to drink water from the tap, would you want it fresh from the earth, or fresh from a large building that largely is there to remove poop from it?

We can get phone service, but no DSL so Internet has to come either through a satellite dish, or Wireless broadband.  I’ve used the satellite internet before and it sucks ass so wireless broadband or dial up…

No city trash service…  This is a pain in the ass, but nobody comes to pick up our trash.  I have to drive it to the recycling plant.  I could pay a service, but screw that.  I’ll just drive it there…  Later.

Finally, we can’t get cable.  We can get satellite, of course, but no cable TV or Internet.  We talked about satellite for a few minutes once, but decided we just didn’t watch enough TV.  We can pick up maybe 6 channels without an antenna, and we’ve made do with that for as long as we’ve lived there now, relying mostly on DVDs and only watching the channels we get.  It’s free and it works for us.

Simple enough, right?  You’d think so.

When I’m talking to someone new, sometimes a TV show will get mentioned.  “Have you seen this?” or “Do you watch that?”  At this point in the conversation, the person is generally excited about the show they’re talking about and wants to share that with me.  I listen and smile and tell them it sounds really great but I haven’t seen it because I don’t have cable, but I’d totally watch it on DVD sometime.

*blank stare*

They ask why not, I explain we can’t get it and don’t really want it anyway because we don’t watch much TV.  That’s when it starts.

The person will immediately defend that they don’t watch much TV either and that it’s completely optional and they don’t depend on any shows or anything, they just watch it if it’s on and besides everyone watches TV and I’m the real freak here because I don’t but really, they only watch like one or two shows that they really care about anyway.  I mean, after all, they don’t have all that much free time either and they’re very busy so they just try to fit it in.

I don’t care.  You can go home every night and add another rubber band to the ball you’ve been creating for years, or sit on your front porch and write down new names for cheese spreads that have not yet been invented.  I think, if anything, that would make you a more interesting individual.  If you want to go home and veg out with the TV, that’s cool with me.  There are nights when we watch Law and Order for 3 hours because we can get it on one of our free channels and sometimes that’s nice.

Many of you may be in the same boat as me on this one, where you simply don’t watch TV.  Maybe you’ve got it for the kids or the significant other or the dog who likes the bright colors, but you don’t really find the time yourself.  If that’s you and you don’t already know this – do not suggest to the people who defend that they don’t “need” TV that they get it disconnected to save money.  They’ll likely take that as a threat, puff up their feathers and come at you with a machete or something.

Are you BFF with the boob tube?

Do it or I’m Breaking Up With You.

Mrs and I were driving home separately last night, but somehow listening the same station.  The show was one of those “ask the hostess something personal that is affecting you and they’ll takes calls about it on the air giving you free suggestions” kind of shows.  I normally avoid that crap like the plague, but this one caught me and we ended up talking during breaks on our cellphones about our views and opinions on the whole thing.

The problem was that a young couple has been together for almost 2 years, and although he was still relatively fit as the day they met, she had gained 50lbs in the last year they spent together.   She started saying she needed to do something about her weight gain after 10lbs, but it only got worse and worse.  They are engaged and he’s not sure what to do because he is afraid if she continues to gain and do nothing about it, he will lose his attraction to her, physically.  Because of this,  if she doesn’t change, he won’t marry her.

This question really hit me.  I’ve been up and down in weight.  I’ve been skinny enough that size 32 jeans needed a belt, and I’ve been big enough that my 38s were tight when they were fresh out of the dryer.  Weight does not the person make.  Everybody’s made a little differently and some people need some extra weight to fill them out, I think.  Mrs tells me that she likes me much better heavier.  I get that.  On the other hand, it is personal preference and he’s not wrong to have those feelings.

It’s so much deeper than the weight, I think.  Of the girls I’ve been serious with before the Mrs, there’s been a trend of apathy.  They wanted to do something about this/that/whatever, but it just never got done.  It was easier to not go work out.  It was easier to not continue that hobby.  It was easier to not look for a new career/job.  I’m not innocent either.  I hate doing things that aren’t fun, but I don’t like it to affect the Mrs. I think that this guy’s concern is less about the weight, and more about what sort of drive she really has to better herself throughout her life.

There were so many people who called in.  There were empathetic callers who said he needed to say something to her, but not mean, and to help her understand how important it was.  They said she needed to be supported and given all the information on how important this time was.  There were angry callers who called simply to defend a woman’s right to gain all the weight she wants and saying that if he loves her, he’ll understand.

The more we talked about it, we decided that it wasn’t just weight.  It’s anything that could make your partner less attractive to you, assuming they wouldn’t change it.  Maybe they stop brushing their teeth regularly, or start rewearing underwear or something like that.

What would you do, if your considerable other started to lose appeal to you like this?

People Weird me out Sometimes

I’ve got a half-brother, but I grew up an only child.  I think that led to a few personality traits I developed later in life.  You see, I didn’t live near any of my friends because we lived in between a bad part of town and the commercialized area.  With my Uncle’s habit of wandering the house in tighty-whities at the time, not a lot of people wanted to come hang out.  I was always happy playing with myself.

Ok, pervs, that’s not what I meant.

I would sit in my room and play with my LEGOs and read comics and stuff, or watch the stuff I had secretly recorded the night prior on Cinemax.  Don’t get me wrong here, I loved being social.  It just didn’t work out that way as much as I’d have wanted.

As a result, I grew to be a quiet kid outside of my particular social set.  A few people loved me, a few people hated me, and I knew who I could count on.  If I didn’t know you, I’d probably just keep my trap shut.  I hated this about myself.  I thought it was weird because you don’t see anyone like that on TV, and honestly, what was I supposed to compare myself to?

I started, and I don’t even know when, to force myself to be fun and outgoing.  It was awkward at first, but if I seemed confident, nobody questioned it.  Occasionally someone’s like “Hey, you never really talked before” but I’d explain that I had kept to myself because I could see the future then and I didn’t want to accidentally destroy space and time by giving away too much information, but that a subsequent bump on the head when I was playing [popular sport] outside of school left me powerless (in that way) so the world was safe.

Yeah, I’ve always been this weird.

I don’t really remember the process anymore, but I’m sure it was awkward for a while.  I’m sure it felt like a lie for a long time.   What I can tell you now, is that I will strike up a conversation with almost every stranger I meet and try to make them show their personality.

Some people don’t have personalities.  Particularly cashiers…  Sorry, maybe you are/were the only one…

The Mrs and I have a lot of shindigs when we can, and she and most people that know me well, label me a “social butterfly”.  Butterflies are dumb, so I’m going to go with Social Antelope.  It just feels right.  I managed to basically fix myself.  Now, why only basically?

Well, I still have ridiculous social anxiety.  I just keep it under the hood.  I think in most cases, like if I have to speak to a large group, or to a high-level manager or something, I’m running on adrenaline and slowing everything to the point that they can’t tell.  What do I mean?

I have pre-set things I will say when I see someone in passing.  I don’t have anything to say, but I say something like “Heyhowsitgoing” as one word, just so I said something and didn’t seem weird.  If a pretty girl talks to me, I’m still stunned and carefully measuring my every breath, movement and reaction like I’m going to break something.  “But, KYA, you’re happily married to the Mrs!  What’s this about?”  You’re right.  It’s not that I’m hoping I have a chance, I just can’t help it sometimes.  It’s stupid.

I look for ways out of a conversation that is going too well because I don’t want to exercise this in large doses, particularly if I haven’t been talking much that day.  Shit, if I’ve been indoors all day without interaction, God help the first person who talks to me.  I’ll jabber incessantly, over-aware of the stupid things I’m saying, then announce that I’m being weird and that I’m trying to fix it.

It’s like the unsuccessful speech I had in Speech class once, where everyone was laughing with good reason, things started going way off track and I stopped them by saying “Everyone stop looking at me!!!”.  yeah, the room fell silent and I pretty well had to pass that off as a moment of temporary insanity.

Overall, the system works.  Being a designer/developer, I’m allowed to be weird and social at the same time.  Except one time more recently at a previous job when I and a friend stood outside the office, shooting the breeze.  A girl we worked with came by and said “Ooh, top secret conversation” and we went on to joke about how we were secret agents.  She smiled and walked inside, but just before she cleared the door I managed to yell “I have a knife!”.

What. The. Fuck.

I’m amazed I wasn’t arrested.  I mean, I did have a pocket knife that I carried all the time, so under questioning it wouldn’t have sounded like a joke.  It would have been a violent threat and I’d have gone to jail.  It’s a good thing she was a complete dingbat.

…And that was the time my social anxiety almost put me in jail.

Do you have any stories like this, or am I just a big weirdo whom you’ll no longer be reading?

Valentines Day is a Sucker Punch

Valentines Day isn’t something you look forward to when you’re a kid, at least I didn’t. It was just a day when your parents got you a box of shitty character based bulk cards with suckers to pass out to EVERYONE in class.

First off, I shouldn’t have to give cards to boys asking them to “be my Valentine”. That’s fucked up. Further, I shouldn’t have to give them to everyone. Everyone’s not equal, or I’d be a polygamist with male and female spouses from all my life. Is that what Cupid’s about? Multiple relationships? I’m open to a 3 way, but my whole class is a bit much.

I think the suckers attached were irony more than free candy.

Now, here I am, all growed up, and I haven’t had a valentines day yet that was something to look forward to next year. Bulk cards don’t cut it anymore and I’m a terrible pre-planner so thoughtful gifts are tough…

I’m doing great so far though. I’m going to order a gift online that won’t be here in time, and give her something I cleared with her while I was shopping.

Ladies, if your man is more prepared than this, he’s really trying. As for me, I’m switching back to bulk cards and suckers.

Don’t worry, I’ll Stop the Snow

You know how people say that you can make it rain by washing your car?  If that’s true, I’m going to make it stop snowing.

We moved into our place in Dec of 08 and subsequently got snowed in a lot.  3 of those times, we had to pay someone to come out and plow the drive for us.  That sucks.

Several times I thought for sure my Scion xB could clear itself a path…  That’s not even a funny joke.  I’d get a running start, throw my arm out the window and give a healthy Dukes of Hazzard Yeehaw, then get slowed to a tragic stop and have to start digging my poor little car out.  Pathetic…

We didn’t have any kind of lawnmower, so under the advice of my family we bought a 1974 Wheel Horse yard tractor to plan for summer and to help clear the snow.  It came with a wagon, a mowing deck, a bulldozer blade and a bunch of other stuff.  The kid in me was psyched.  Then…  I couldn’t keep it running.  At the end of the season, I bought a snowblower to attach to it, and then it never snowed again.  FML.

This winter’s been sucky so far.  Last Saturday I got my car stuck in the middle of a county road on the way to a party and I depended on neighbors to tow my little city car back to the house.  I should have taken pictures.  (note: take more pictures)  I got stuck in the driveway a couple of days later and then again last night.

In short, I’m over it.  We’re going to trade the Mrs car in and get a GMC Yukon.  That’s right baby!  Now I can pull myself out of the snow.  We’ll be picking it up next week, and it’s supposed to be a beast in bad weather…

Which means it probably won’t snow again.

I’ve never talked about cars on here, mostly because once I start I go for days and most people I know couldn’t care less.  I figure I’ll bore you to death, so let’s just say I like cars a lot.  Because of that I am completely infatuated with the new truck.  I want to buy a trailer for it, and maybe get a boat since I can pull it now, and maybe get a snow plow for it, so I can clear friends and families driveways and a brush guard so I can evade the police and break through barriers without scratching it up.

The sad bit is…  I’ll be stuck driving my tiny car because it gets better fuel economy.  37MPG vs 16MPG…  Well shit.