The Toast Frequency

Rumor has it that I’ve been off in Zambia, training lions to do my bidding as part of an overall goal of small-rural-town domination.  I will not tell you it’s not true.  You’re smart enough to know that it probably is, and I wouldn’t insult you.

The reality of the situation is that I was challenged to develop a 22 page comic book and ended up with approximately one month to complete it in.  The story began very differently, but the more I thought about it and “fleshed it out”, it grew and changed into something that does make a bit more sense.  That being said, it’s not perfect.

At this time, I’m not completely happy with all the artwork and I think the story needs a little bit of attention.  This is the first part in a series that I’m planning, but that’s not a good excuse for not getting to the point faster, I suppose.  I’m curious to hear what you, my internet friends, think.

Now here’s a problem, or maybe a good thing: The file is too large for me to upload directly through Wordpress Media Upload, so rather than upload it manually I’m considering releasing a few pages a week.  Maybe a page a day, and maybe just a page a day Monday through Thursday, giving me time to redraw and clean some things up.

You tell me, readers.  Would you enjoy reading a page a day, having something to look forward to (poking me with sticks and laughing at me), or are you impatient and you want to see the product of a month?

Tell me in the comments.

Commentpalooza

I think when you present anything, you generally have an idea of how it’s going to go. You at least have an idea of how you’d like it to go.  Well, I posted a partial project I’ve been working on, and instead of getting feedback from 2 or 3 people, as I expected…  Something different happened.

It all started with Elly Lou (blog) having some sort of confusion with the comment box having some sort of a minimum, which it apparently doesn’t.  Innocent enough, right? Seemingly.

Before I know what’s going on, the post has become a public forum with questions about caring for a new cat, the legitmacy of transexual mates and time machines.  A comment sandwich began and, my friends, it grew.  It grew like an unholy sandwich from sandwich-hell.

Somewhere in the midst of the tornado of comments, I believe, but cannot prove, that VapidBlonde (blog) got my cat pregnant, PattyPunker (blog)  stole all my lightbulbs and Dufmanno (blog) defended, again, that she does not have a condition referred to as “fur boobs”.   Oh and WickedShawn (blog) promised me pictures of boobies.  Man boobies…  I hope she forgets.

We laughed, we loved and we learned from each other.  VapidBlonde, for example, shared with us the gift that is the muffburger:

She then tried to shield us from the dangers of searching for “sexburger” at work, but when I did, I learned even more!  Go ahead and assume that all of my settings are modified to allow as much “accidental” porn to come up in my search results as possible.  Still, I learned of the “SEX BURGER” restaurant:

As it turns out, the SEX BURGER is a bit of Engrish (engrish.com) but I call this a happy accident.  Two things I love more than almost anything, barring comment sandwiches like this, are sex and burgers.  I want to fly there and eat them out

of business!

With this comment section rolling forward with the fury of 10,000 Mack trucks, I found it hard to stop it.  I wanted to do an update more of the guide to wishing – but…  My dog ate my Wacom pen.  This is because he is a bastard.  Until I order a new pen, I can’t do much more with that.

Furthermore, I’ve gone viral. I don’t mean that in the way that I’m all popular and stuff, although that’s clearly the case for you guys/girls who deserve big free beers and sloppy kisses, respectively.  Hell, depending on where the night goes, those might switch… Well, maybe just the beer part.

Being virally ill for several days made me think I was dying, because I’m really really bad at being sick.  Coming out of that, and ordering a new pen tomorrow, I will have additions to the guide for wishing AND I want to hear your suggestions.  Were there parts that you thought were confusing?

(during the writing of this post, Subwow (blog) tweeted, asking yet more people to be the condiments on this comment sandwich.  Hilarious.)

And now, my question to spark comments…  Uh…  Well, this is hardly necessary here, so let’s just start with sexburger.

My Robot Penis

Earlier today, on the Twitter, I said:

Do you ever just feel like we’re all part of something bigger than we are? Like a giant robot? Because if so, I want to be his wang.

That led to some friends labeling me Robowang, which could be the best nickname I’ve ever heard.  Conversation about that lingered for a moment until I was contacted by Empire Labs [website] (NSFW) about a kit to make a mold of your wang for a sex toy.

Whoa, that’s incredible. Talk about the perfect gift, right? Just consider the possibilities here, would you?

• Merry Christmas, honey. I knew you’d like this because you’ve told me before how much you like mine.
• Congratulations, you guys. I got you a gift that I think you can use on your honeymoon. I know you’ll recognize it, Susan.

Or even:

• Happy birthday, buddy. What’s that? Why its a replica dildo I made you from my own penis. I wanted my gift to really be meaningful *tear* *punch*

Well, I’m not in the dick mold biz, but it would be funny to make a robot penis. If you don’t think that’s funny, I can’t explain it. My sense of humor may not be the same as yours. I’m very seriously considering buying the kit and, through use of prosthetics and creativity, making a robot penis.

Am I twisted? Has my mind fallen apart during my month away? Maybe. More importantly, do you think there’s a market for robot penises?

Help Your Aunt Becky

Aunt Becky has finally been given the chance she needs to get her book published.  That’s some real shit right there, isn’t it?  I’m assuming it’s going to be a hardbacked ordeal with those gold edged pages, bound in leather with one of those built-in bookmarks.  I’m not saying for certain that it is, but I’d go so far to say that it should be.

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you guys all know who Aunt Becky is, from reading Mommy Wants Vodka, or follow her on Twitter.  I’ll also assume that you’re a snappy dresser and a good kisser.  If any of those things are not true, now is the time to change them.  Visiting her new site and reading up will definitely improve the quality of your day by at least 23%.  It might even take away that terrible burning when you pee.  (Or maybe you should get that checked out…)

Can we be “real” for a minute?  It’s tough to get published nowadays.  Everyone’s afraid to put a lot of money into anything, and print is in tough times.  If you want to get published, you’d better be a sure thing.  That’s what we’re here to prove with this.  If Aunt Becky can get enough pre-pre-orders on her book, she’ll be green-lit (in addition to regular or drunken lit) and happy as a clam.

What do you have to do?  Give your name and email, then click the “Hell Yes” button, or just “yes” if you prefer.  You don’t have to buy anything and nobody gets hurt.  You’re just saying “Hey, this chica’s pretty funny.  I’d buy that, like, if it was, you know, like, cheap enough, or had a holographic cover.  Submit the form, and bingo bango, you’ve helped a young girl’s dream come true.

So without further Ado, and in celebration of yet another lazy Monday post on my part, go see Aunt Becky and help her get published.

It’s About to Get Ugly

I made a new internet-friend the other day, HellaChella, who as I’ve previously discussed cannot help me move, lend me money or bring me a sandwich…  What she can do, though, is make a bad ass sock puppet zombie.

It is because of that fact, that I am writing this post today.  You see, she’s got a contest going over at Coffee & Zombie Movies to post (on your own blog) the ugliest things you own.  There might have been rules to post only a few things, but I don’t like reading rules.  Rules are dead to me.  And nobody like dead rules, or rule zombies.  This has become a tangent.

A plaster cast of Falstaff from Shakespeare fame. Won this in a random auction box once. Everyone needs a fat guy getting drunk for their desk.

Phantom of the Opera brass lamp. This is a sad entry, as I've known this lamp all my life. It was my grandmothers, and last summer the lens was broken and the face dented... Still, pretty darn ugly.

UGLY crystal lamp that came, wrapped in an afghan, inside an antique dresser we bought.

Kitty Cat Creamer. He's here to pour your cream, then steal your soul.

The Haunted Vent Covers. We have 2. Both are broken and add a special ambience to any room.

This is the actual wallpaper from my laundry room, shot from maybe 5 feet away. BIG pattern... Notice the crazy floral wallpaper theme in the other pictures? We have A LOT of it.

The Wooden Boy. He holds his bowl laboriously, full of fake mustaches. Carved from a single piece of wood, and I am not positive he's not really alive.

Classic Car Dash for your wall. This is a GIANT art piece, made to look like the interior of a classic car. It has working dimmable dash lights, a working clock and (drumroll) a functional stereo and speaker.

The lady of the sea is a mural painted on the floor, just inside our front door. I wonder why the painter saw it fit to make her have some rolls and smallish boobies? Hmmm.. We may never know.

The Faceless Woman. This is the inside of our stained glass window, visible from the front of our 150+ year old country house. From the front she is gorgeous... From inside, the cold dark hallway, she has no face.