The Short List

Yesterday, I was challenged by VapidBlonde to post 5 characters that I’d want to do the “horizontal whiplash” with, and why.  I’m game for any challenge, so here is my top 5 characters (see how it’s okay?  Just characters.  See, Mrs?  They’re not real, so it’s okay if I fantasize.)  They are listed in no particular order:

Penelope

Okay, not BECAUSE of the pig nose, but because she's an awesome person, portrayed by the lovable Christina Ricci. She's very smart, and despite being sheltered her entire life, she's very adventurous. You'd ignore the pig nost. Honestly, it's not that bad.

Dylan Sanders

The hottest Charlie's Angel. She's a spy, she's a badass and she looks like someone that you wouldn't mind being thrown around by. It would be a short fling because she's got too much of a jet-set lifestyle that you'd have to play second-fiddle to. SUPER hot though. Super.

Ginny Weasly

Ah, Ginny. Extra points for being British and, although we watched her grow up, it felt as though we were the same age. She's of age now, just to be clear. Very smart, and very strong. She was once saved by Harry Potter, but later takes charge and saves him from himself. Ginny strikes me as a real person. Someone you don't take lightly.

Olive Snook

Always searching the pie-maker's eyes for love, this girl has had it rough. She's caring, persistant and very cunning. What she lacks in common sense at times, she makes up for in luck and wit. Beyond that, those zipper shirts give her bonus points. Grrr.

Invisible Woman

Yes, a comic book girl. Shut up. The Invisible Woman has never not been a hottie. Plus she's easy to hide if you need a cover. Imagine the possiblities. I am.

I Found a Dinosaur

Sometimes it’s amazing what’s big news and what’s nothing at all.  The flooding in Tennessee didn’t get the press it deserved, and honestly I don’t think the flooding of the creek by my house did either.  Did you hear about it?  I bet you didn’t.  This is exactly what I’m talking about, good people.

While Mrs and I were out yesterday, there were apparently storms of epic proportions at the homestead.  Roads were flooded slightly and all the fields were reflecting a brown mirror perspective of the sky.  Thinking back, it was actually pretty cool.  I should have taken pictures.  Damn.

As we pulled into the driveway, we noticed our duck was hanging out alone much further from his shed, where he rooms with 7 chickens.  A moment later I realized he wasn’t alone, but had made a new turtle friend.  This turtle, however, was the size of a hubcap and because he was a snapper, pretty antisocial.

Here’s the video, along with some excellent commentary on the situation:

Here’s what you might not understand from my cell-phone audio:

Mrs: It musta rained like a sonofabitch on the way home, or while we were gone.
Uh uh, get back in the house…  or upstairs… to that place up there.

Me: Yeah, duck, get upstairs.
He has some sharp ass nails.

Mrs: Honey, go get the duck.

Me: What do you want me to do with him?  He’s a duck.  He’s roaming the field, that’s what ducks do.

Mrs: He’s gonna get hit by cars, he’s too close.

Me: Dude, I’m not going to go running through the field trying to get a duck who’s going to fly.

Mrs: Are you taking video right now?

Me: Yes, I got you saying “son of a bitch” and telling the duck to go upstairs.  It’s really quite lovely.

Mrs. HAHAHAHAHA

Me: He’s a dinosaur isn’t he?

Mrs: I think he is!  Look at him!  his tail is wild!  Isn’t that the biggest turtle you’ve ever seen?

Me: It’s the biggest turtle I’ve ever seen – at someone’s house – let alone at our own.
Are you getting freaked out cause I’m getting close to you, buddy?
Go see if the camera’s in the car.

There you have it.  Another historical chronicle of a mysterious species of animal.