FEATURED POST

Defining Dreams (Chasing Rainbows)

The title of this post has a lie in it.  It has nothing to do with chasing rainbows. I’m not sorry I lied.
Most mornings, anymore, I haul [...]

Defining Dreams (Chasing Rainbows)
Sep
1

Defining Dreams (Chasing Rainbows)

The title of this post has a lie in it.  It has nothing to do with chasing rainbows. I’m not sorry I lied.
Most mornings, anymore, I haul [...]

Aug
19

How to be Alone

I’m not very good at being alone sometimes.
As a child growing up in a household not filled with the typical nuclear family, without siblings to keep me [...]

Aug
3

The Toast Frequency

Due to the overwhelming request of all 3 people who requested it, here is the first page of The Toast Frequency, to be followed tomorrow and begin [...]

Jul
14

Now With Meatballs*

Have you ever forgotten who you were? Maybe you wake up and stretch your arms after a dream where everyone called you Gregory and you’re still confused [...]

Jun
10

The Short List

Yesterday, I was challenged by VapidBlonde to post 5 characters that I’d want to do the “horizontal whiplash” with, and why.  I’m game for any challenge, so [...]

Jun
1

I Found a Dinosaur

Sometimes it’s amazing what’s big news and what’s nothing at all.  The flooding in Tennessee didn’t get the press it deserved, and honestly I don’t think the [...]

May
19

Commentpalooza

I think when you present anything, you generally have an idea of how it’s going to go. You at least have an idea of how you’d [...]

May
7

Guide to Wishing Properly Pt. 1

Okay, what few of you lovely and loyal readers I have remaining after taking a month off and not finding the time to comment on all the [...]

May
4

Roll Your Own

Last Thursday Mrs and I were in get-shit-to-sell-at-the-yard-sale mode.  Nothing was safe.
Me: Do you like this, or can we sell it?
Mrs: Eh…  I kinda like it.
Me: Great, [...]

May
3

The People I’ve Seen

The yard sale at the church was a success in many ways.  We sold a bunch of crap we didn’t need, gave away some crap that wouldn’t [...]

Apr
29

Sale at the Church

Mrs and I are financially retarded.  We accrued a bunch of debt when I was out of work in 2008 and it hangs around like a disgusting [...]

Apr
28

Your Butt Stinks

Everyone says the “three special words” in their own way.  Some people send flowers, some buy a mindful card, and some put an extra piece of cheese [...]

Apr
27

I Don’t Care if you Watch TV

If you don’t know this yet, Mrs and I live way out of the city.  What you may not realize is that not everyone can get the [...]

Apr
26

My Robot Penis

Earlier today, on the Twitter, I said:
Do you ever just feel like we’re all part of something bigger than we are? Like a giant robot? [...]

Apr
23

Procrastination Services

I’m very easily distracted.
If I’m in the middle of a conversation, my mind often wanders the subject changes mid topic frequently and it’s like playing the 6-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon [...]

Mar
19

I Didn’t Order this Porn

There’s something sexy about staying in a hotel room, isn’t there?  Maybe sexy is the wrong word, but I think we can agree that you’re supposed to [...]

Mar
18

Everybody Loves Ramen

When I first moved out on my own, and was not wealthy enough to have the chefs at Taco Bell cater my every meal, I ate a [...]

Mar
17

Do it or I’m Breaking Up With You.

Mrs and I were driving home separately last night, but somehow listening the same station.  The show was one of those “ask the hostess something personal that [...]

Mar
12

People Weird me out Sometimes

I’ve got a half-brother, but I grew up an only child.  I think that led to a few personality traits I developed later in life.  You see, [...]

Mar
9

Bambi The Conqueror

In December of 2008, when we moved into the new house, I was returning the giant box truck that I had, the day before, damaged by trying [...]

Mar
8

My Zombie & Me

My Zombie. My Zombie.  Wherever there’s brains, he eats.  My Zombie.  My Zombie.  My Zombie & me!
If you don’t remember the My Buddy & Kid Sister commercials [...]

Mar
5

Do Elephants Spoon?

Do elephants spoon?
Do lions play chess?
Do all monkeys share my vast interest in breasts?
Would zebra’s choose color?
Would giraffes wear a hat?
Would your dog eat chinese food, and [...]

Mar
1

Help Your Aunt Becky

Aunt Becky has finally been given the chance she needs to get her book published.  That’s some real shit right there, isn’t it?  I’m assuming it’s going [...]

Feb
26

You Can’t Always Get Whatchou Want

But if you try sometimes, you might find, you’ll get whatchou need.  Awww yeah.
With the new (97) Yukon in the garage a familiar sense of pride washed [...]

Feb
22

KEEPEE-YAN YON AWACK

I won, I won, I won!!!
No, not the lottery…  Even better!  I won Chelle’s contest for a homemade Zombie doll over at Coffee & Zombie Movies !!!
There [...]

Feb
18

It’s About to Get Ugly

I made a new internet-friend the other day, HellaChella, who as I’ve previously discussed cannot help me move, lend me money or bring me a sandwich…  What [...]

Feb
17

Oh, By the Way…

I’m a 10-year student in search of a Bachelor’s.  Laugh if you must, but my class tonight was in the art of sequential art…  Comics.  Who’s laughing [...]

Feb
16

Damn, I’m Opinionated

Do you ever look up your username in Google to make sure nobody else is stealing it, forcing you to have to kill them,  or… you know, [...]

Feb
15

Self-Humiliation and Pictures

In school I never minded doing something stupid for a laugh.  That’s right, I was a pre-pubescent attention whore.  Nothing has changed.  If it makes any difference [...]

Feb
13

Valentines Day is a Sucker Punch

Valentines Day isn’t something you look forward to when you’re a kid, at least I didn’t. It was just a day when your parents got you a [...]

Feb
12

Don’t worry, I’ll Stop the Snow

You know how people say that you can make it rain by washing your car?  If that’s true, I’m going to make it stop snowing.
We moved into [...]

Feb
11

Hey Everybody, I think I have SAD

I hate the winter.  It’s no surprise to anyone who knows me.  I hate being cold, and will argue to the death that winter is the deadliest [...]

Feb
8

On the Job Training

I was recently hired on after a 4 month contract-to-hire at the coolest place I’ve ever worked. Hooray!!!  I’m sure one day I’ll move along, but until [...]

Feb
4

I Love Movies More Than You

I love movies more than you.  No, I don’t mean that I love movies more than I love you.  I also don’t mean I love you…  I [...]

Feb
2

I’m Getting Stupidr

I love tech gadgets, like my new phone, but I know that technology is allowing me to become dumber and dumber.
From an  early age, I decided learning [...]

Feb
1

Where do you Want it?

The lovely minxes over at Toywithme.com are running my guest article today!  I don’t need to tell you how excited I am.
Head on over to read, and [...]

Jan
28

Flip it and Reverse it

I really try to post something every day.  Not even just something, but something interesting.  I really hate when I hit a blog that I love and [...]

Jan
26

I am an Inventor!!!

When I was a kid watching people like the great Ron Popeil on TV, hocking his vast and wonderful inventions, that seemed like the way to do [...]

Jan
25

The Hot Dog Mustache Party Pics!

The Hot Dog Mustache Party was a smokin’ success.  We had a big turnout, and nearly everyone brought a mustache or had one drawn on for the [...]

Jan
20

OMFG MAH NEW FONE ROCKZ!

Is the title too much?  You guys know I don’t write like that, right?  I mean, generally when I talk about my disdain for underwear and my [...]

Jan
19

Gimps, Trannies and Clown Make-up

Everybody’s got a few weird friends, but I think I might have only weird friends. I honestly can think of anyone I know that I couldn’t [...]

Jan
18

Living the Dream

Since when did it become a good thing to live the dream?  This concept confuses the shit out of me because dreams are generally pretty bizarre and [...]

Jan
14

Let’s Write a Story!

I’ve got a crazy idea.  I should probably be commited.  I mean, I am commited, which is why I’m trying to entertain you with something new.  Either [...]

Jan
13

I Wish I Was a Bear

I say this for a number of reasons:

I’d be a huge, virtually unstoppable force with giant claws.
Although dangerous, I’d look cuddly as shit.
Id’ eat fresh fish and [...]

Jan
12

I Don’t Worry About the Sex Tape

I’m not worried about a sex tape surfacing.  I mean, really, what’s the worst that could happen?  It seems to work out really well for celebrities, and [...]

Jan
11

I Care Way Too Much

I care way too much what some people think, but not all people.  The qualification is confusing too.  If I’m working with homeless/needy people I’m concerned to [...]

Jan
8

Uncle Buck Parenting

While watching Uncle Buck last night, two things immediately came to mind and were constantly re-confirmed:

John Candy was the most lovable, sincere & funny actors of our [...]

Jan
6

It’s a Hot Dog Mustache Party!

The votes are in and the decision has been made.  This January 23rd, we’re having a Hot Dog Mustache Party!
What to expect:

All guests are required to wear [...]

Jan
5

I’m Going Crazy, Who’s With Me?

I want to start out by informing you that I am not under the effects of any medication.  I probably should be, but I’m not.  Weird, right?  [...]

Jan
4

I’m Casket Shopping

My birthday is on the horizon.  January 20th, to be specific.  I’m turning *long dramatic pause*
29
Oh, that’s not old enough for you?  You’ve got 40 years on [...]

Dec
31

Obligatory New Year’s Eve BS

Just like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives.  Mine, for example, keep inching closer to the feared end of my 20s where [...]

Dec
30

That Terrible Fascination

I’ve done it before, many times.  I’ve even been caught a few of those times, and I’ll bet you have too, in public and hoping that nobody [...]

Dec
29

Going Commando

With a 3 month old in the house, and a long commute to work, and a bunch of other excuses I can generate for you on demand, [...]

Dec
28

The Other Side of Christmas

The holidays are always about the same, aren’t they? Every year you get all excited and buy a bunch of decorative nonsense to scatter around an [...]

Dec
22

A Clever Metaphor

I wanted to say something here about a phoenix, rising from the ashes of previous blogs that I’ve let die like a mistreated Tamagotchi or pet rock, [...]

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