KeepingYouAwake

Aunt Becky has finally been given the chance she needs to get her book published.  That’s some real shit right there, isn’t it?  I’m assuming it’s going to be a hardbacked ordeal with those gold edged pages, bound in leather with one of those built-in bookmarks.  I’m not saying for certain that it is, but I’d go so far to say that it should be.

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you guys all know who Aunt Becky is, from reading Mommy Wants Vodka, or follow her on Twitter.  I’ll also assume that you’re a snappy dresser and a good kisser.  If any of those things are not true, now is the time to change them.  Visiting her new site and reading up will definitely improve the quality of your day by at least 23%.  It might even take away that terrible burning when you pee.  (Or maybe you should get that checked out…)

Can we be “real” for a minute?  It’s tough to get published nowadays.  Everyone’s afraid to put a lot of money into anything, and print is in tough times.  If you want to get published, you’d better be a sure thing.  That’s what we’re here to prove with this.  If Aunt Becky can get enough pre-pre-orders on her book, she’ll be green-lit (in addition to regular or drunken lit) and happy as a clam.

What do you have to do?  Give your name and email, then click the “Hell Yes” button, or just “yes” if you prefer.  You don’t have to buy anything and nobody gets hurt.  You’re just saying “Hey, this chica’s pretty funny.  I’d buy that, like, if it was, you know, like, cheap enough, or had a holographic cover.  Submit the form, and bingo bango, you’ve helped a young girl’s dream come true.

So without further Ado, and in celebration of yet another lazy Monday post on my part, go see Aunt Becky and help her get published.

But if you try sometimes, you might find, you’ll get whatchou need.  Awww yeah.

With the new (97) Yukon in the garage a familiar sense of pride washed over me.  Before the Mrs brought it home, I fired up the tractor and re-graded the gravel in the garage.  I also re-plowed a bit of driveway in front of the garage door we don’t generally use and cleaned a big area out next to where I normally park.  Now I could park my tiny refrigerator of a car on the other side of the garage and leave a big open space for the mammoth Yukon to dominate.

It’s a 13 year old truck, but I’m so proud to have it that I’ll clean the garage and fight over who gets to drive it next. Standing back from the garage, I realized I should have taken a “before” picture.  In fact, I realized I should take lots of “before” pictures.

I’ve addressed before that I’m amazed by simple things.  I try so hard not to take things for granted, and I’m so fortunate to have so many positive changes in my life.  I always catch myself saying or thinking “Man, would you believe that we’d _______ last year at this time?”  Just one year can make so much difference.

So my idea is this, I’m going to take a shit-load of boring pictures. All the most sad and mundane things around the house.  It’s normal to take pictures of your new car, or the house once it’s been repainted.  What I want to do is take pictures of all the things that are “so-so” and compare them later on.  I can’t imagine I’ll have much bitching to do when the proof is right there.

This seems like a good thing for the kids too, to be able to say “yeah, this is how it used to be – but we worked hard and got this better thing”.  I grew up with very little money, but my parents always made sure I had what I wanted.  Miss E is already getting whatever she wants, so I hope the little things aren’t lost on her.

I don’t want to make a bragging list, but when I look at my house I think “Wow, that’s awesome.  I’m so lucky.”  When I use my neat smartphone I think “This is so cool, that I can have something like this.”

*mushy alert*

When I look at the Mrs, I think “She’s so awesome, more than I ever expected. I am so lucky to have her” and similar for my friends, including you guys, I’m lucky to have you all and when I compare memories, it’s always positive change.

This was a week late, and somber on top of that, so I want to spice up the deal by having you visit Fucking Windows. Go there and resize your window over and over.  Fucking awesome.

I won, I won, I won!!!

No, not the lottery…  Even better!  I won Chelle’s contest for a homemade Zombie doll over at Coffee & Zombie Movies !!!

Revel in the hand-made goodness

There were some really nice entries too, which is why I am lucky that it was a random selection.

Check out the announcement page, and if you missed it, my entries to the contest.

Short post?  Yes.  Use the time you saved here, checking out Chelle on Twitter and her website, Coffee & Zombie Movies.

I made a new internet-friend the other day, HellaChella, who as I’ve previously discussed cannot help me move, lend me money or bring me a sandwich…  What she can do, though, is make a bad ass sock puppet zombie.

It is because of that fact, that I am writing this post today.  You see, she’s got a contest going over at Coffee & Zombie Movies to post (on your own blog) the ugliest things you own.  There might have been rules to post only a few things, but I don’t like reading rules.  Rules are dead to me.  And nobody like dead rules, or rule zombies.  This has become a tangent.

A plaster cast of Falstaff from Shakespeare fame. Won this in a random auction box once. Everyone needs a fat guy getting drunk for their desk.

Phantom of the Opera brass lamp. This is a sad entry, as I've known this lamp all my life. It was my grandmothers, and last summer the lens was broken and the face dented... Still, pretty darn ugly.

UGLY crystal lamp that came, wrapped in an afghan, inside an antique dresser we bought.

Kitty Cat Creamer. He's here to pour your cream, then steal your soul.

The Haunted Vent Covers. We have 2. Both are broken and add a special ambience to any room.

This is the actual wallpaper from my laundry room, shot from maybe 5 feet away. BIG pattern... Notice the crazy floral wallpaper theme in the other pictures? We have A LOT of it.

The Wooden Boy. He holds his bowl laboriously, full of fake mustaches. Carved from a single piece of wood, and I am not positive he's not really alive.

Classic Car Dash for your wall. This is a GIANT art piece, made to look like the interior of a classic car. It has working dimmable dash lights, a working clock and (drumroll) a functional stereo and speaker.

The lady of the sea is a mural painted on the floor, just inside our front door. I wonder why the painter saw it fit to make her have some rolls and smallish boobies? Hmmm.. We may never know.

The Faceless Woman. This is the inside of our stained glass window, visible from the front of our 150+ year old country house. From the front she is gorgeous... From inside, the cold dark hallway, she has no face.

I’m a 10-year student in search of a Bachelor’s.  Laugh if you must, but my class tonight was in the art of sequential art…  Comics.  Who’s laughing now?  Seriously…  I hear someone laughing…  Is it just me?  I hate that…

Anyway, we were given a task tonight that we had to leave the class, go somewhere else in a basically deserted building, and make a comic based on something we saw.  The first panel had to be something we saw, then we build the rest.  I picked up my things and set off to find someone to base my story on.  There was nothing interesting happening, so I based it on some guy in dress clothes, talking on his cellphone.

DISCLAIMER: I drew this crap in about 45 minutes, so it’s ugly.  It’s also not been cleaned up in photoshop, so these are just rough pencil sketches.  Oh yeah, and it’s a bit dark.

No, it's not. It's not the same thing AT ALL!

Angela!!! You're not listening to me! Something is wrong!!!

You've never been so cold. *sob*

FINE!

Oh, I almost forgot, don't use the bath... I left the toaster in there...

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HAHAHAHA…  Get it?  It’s because she’s dead.  Because he forgot to tell her he left the toaster in the bathtub.  Classic blunder.

Thoughts or interpretations?